Texas (n/k/a Wisconsin) Ducks

Girls, girls, girls!!!

2008-08-29T14:22:00.002-05:00

On this otherwise dead site I'm just posting up the one pic we have of our newest Duckling...welcome, Bean!!!

She made her arrival into the world on 8-28 at 11:49 AM (just in time for lunch, she's just like her mother...hates to miss a meal, you know) at 7 lbs. and 7 oz. and 20 inches in length.

It was a mostly happy labor (but for the really horrific contractions prior to getting the long-overdue epidural...which was supposed to come somewhere around month five of my pregnancy...) and fairly quick without the marathon pushing that some other children of mine insisted upon.

Love to all-

Mama Duck

Holiday Happenings from the Land of Snow and Cheese

2007-12-21T13:21:00.000-06:00

Dang y'all...two months in a row. I must have a lot of extra time on my hands...or my kids are being vastly neglected. Shhhhh, don't tell DCFS...

Kicking off the month was a few pancake breakfasts in the area. We're always up for other people cooking and heck, it's a great way to give back to the community as most pancake breakfasts are for charitable and non-profit organizations.

After the girls told me ALL YEAR LONG about how they were going to sit on Santa's lap this Christmas they both chickened out. This was a pancake breakfast at our local high school for one of their internal clubs. It took quite a bit of coaxing and finally The Duckling climbed up there and Peanut was willing to put up with standing by him:

And then, if ya haven't heard it already, Peanut asked Santa a very interesting question. She looked at him very seriously and said, "Where are your donkeys?"

Uh yeah, that would be 'reindeer' honey. I like to blame it on the fact that we had recently watched 'Shrek the Halls' and that she got Donkey from Shrek mixed up with the reindeer. The bottom line is that I probably shelter my kids a wee bit too much.

Anyway, this month the girls have been very busy primping for the holiday season. Peanut got three inches cut off of her locks and honestly...you can't tell one bit other than it's straight in the back now. I had to bribe her to get up in the seat with a Dum-Dum...gotta love them Dum-Dums.

Here's the 'After' picture...but like I said...it's not as if you can really tell...

Now this little girl on the other hand...
I determined early on that I never wanted my girls to have short, short hair (I had an experience when I was really little...I don't know where I went or how she butchered it so damn bad but I looked like a boy...whose hair got caught in a combine or something...it wasn't pretty). Anywho, it was apparent that The Duckling's hair, while long and girlie, was getting a wee bit on the "street urchin" side of the fashion. Thus, we got her hair all did AND she was able to help out Locks of Love. I'm very proud of her for donating her hair and cripes, would ya just look at how cute she turned out?!!??!

Alright...and for those of you wondering why you don't ever get pictures of the girls together...here's a few examples of why I simply don't see how gaining the amount of gray hairs that I would from attempting to make them behave simultaneously in a photo is worth it...

Screw it, I say.

For those of you who know me...you know I have tree issues. I can't stand clutter and crap on a Christmas Tree. Primarily I'm talking about the main tree that everyone who visits our house sees immediately. Therefore, the girls got their very own Charlie Brown Christmas Tree this year. It's about as homely as they come but the girls LOVE it and got to decorate it all by themselves. The three pictures above are taken in front of their tree right after they got done decorating it.

A friend of mine decided that it would be a great idea to stand in line at our local mall to get our pictures taken with The World's Largest and Scariest Dora the Explorer. My kids were thrilled by this as you can see in the picture...

Peanut is practically CLAWING at me to get her away from Scary Dora.

And finally...let's see if you can guess who lurves her some candy canes?

Any guesses?

Happy holidays to everyone...and best of everything in 2008!

mama duck

Fall Update...

2007-11-02T14:45:00.000-05:00

Whoa.

Where did those last few months go? Sometimes I see people coming to my tutu site from here and think, holy crap, are people still stopping by here? And how bad do I suck that I can't even get a monthly update on here?

Well...don't answer that. I gots lots of stuffs going on around here...and I'm always behind no matter how hard I try to get caught up. I need a maid...and a nanny...and a chef...and then I might be able to get more important things like blogging and tutu fabricating taken care of.

Enough chatter...here's what you really came for...the pictures of those darling, darling girls!!!

The Duckling started preschool back in September! Since her birthday is past the school deadline she's one of the older kids in her class and has been ready to start school for some time. You can see Peanut's enthusiasm for her sister's first day of school shining through here:

October was Fire Safety Month and as such our local fire department hosted their annual pancake breakfast. It's always nice when they let the nice ~~hot~~ firemen out to play. They even let us climb up in the trucks and make vroooom-vroooom sounds!

Then last weekend we went with G&G S to Mineral Point to check out the sights. While we were there Peanut displayed the most disgusting eating show since her uncle's wedding a year and a half ago... I can't post the rest of the pictures now ('cause Blogger is having ummm, issues...) but let's just say that you've never seen disgusting until you've seen Peanut the Hut eat grilled cheese, grapes, melon, fries, and a zillion other things one after another after another. In the shot above she had just methodically emptied the fruit pieces on at a time out of the cup and onto her plate and then decided to suck the fruit juice out of the bottom of the cup.

Very ladylike.

I have no idea where she gets this from.

Finally we have our Imported Leaf Pile. These are foreign leaves that were imported all the way from Iowa just so our kids could have the experience of jumping in a leaf pile...since we have like three trees in our entire neighborhood and there are virtually no leaves...

Alright...that's it. I've held Peanut at bay with cheese, crackers and PBS for as long as possible. She's now molesting the Halloween candy and I'm afraid for its safety.

Take care, be good and I'll be bahhhhhk!
Toodles!

Mama Duck

End of July Update....

2007-07-17T14:24:00.000-05:00

Well as you can see I've been super diligent about updating this site.

As such I have the most random and odd smattering of pictures from the last four months that you can possibly imagine. I'm waiting for them to load right now and would like to take this opportunity to share what I've been up to instead of updating this site....you know, aside from eating bon-bons and watching my soaps...

Back in December I got this great idea that I would make tutus and sell them. I bought some tulle, ribbons and other junk at Wally World and got to work. I spent on afternoon wrestling with and cussing out the tulle, launched it in the back room and forgot about it until the middle of January. After the tulle and I came to an agreement that it was going to be me in charge and only me things have gone well. I have three main products in the line...tutus sewn into clothing (t-shirts or onesies), tie-on skirts and elasticized tutus. Since January I have produced nearly 200 tutus which I have been selling outright and using to stock my inventory for an upcoming arts and crafts show.

I came up with the name Decorated Duckling back in Austin when I thought that I might make and sell crib bedding...until I realized what a freakin' lot of work it was. Anyway, feel free to take a look around on my site and see what I've been up to and if you want to pass the site on, please do so. Our most exciting and latest news is that we will be donating part of our proceeds to two charities...The Family House and Texas Children's Hospital, both of which you can read about on the site.

And now onto the photos...

I braved taking the girls up to the Wisconsin Dells by myself on day to meet a blogging friend and his family. It took quite a bit of convincing for the girls to get in the water but by the time we left they were loving it....not that you can tell from the looks on their faces.

And then there was the Easter Egg Hunt...where it snowed...and was windy...and very, very, very cold...

Here's Peanut showing off one of my tutus...sadly the flash is way too hot and it's overexposed but I love, love, love that devious look and those big blues.

Peanut again...Uncle B and Aunt R bought this t-shirt for her birthday and were afraid they might get in trouble for it...sadly if a t-shirt could have been made just for Peanut, this would have been it...it's nice so that when she wears it in public I don't have to go through the trouble of explaining why I'm carrying a flask...

And finally...oh jeez, would you look at that? Another tutu! This is The Duckling and I at Uncle B's birthday bash...check out her million dollar smile. I wonder where she gets her good looks from!?!?! I know...I'm sooooooooooooooo modest.

I'm not going to lie and promise that I'll update this on a weekly or even monthly basis but I will try to get some pics up from time to time!

Mama Duck, who hears her tutus calling from her dining room sweatshop...

Greetings from 2007

2007-02-27T14:07:00.000-06:00

Once again it's been ages since I've updated here at Texas Ducks. I will spare you the holiday pictures and yammering on and on about all the exciting things we've been up to. In all actuality that would probably only take up a few sentences but I know why you're really here...for the cuteness of my adorable offspring.

Here are the Duckling and Peanut in one of the best pictures we've even gotten of the two of them. If only it hadn't been sitting on a stool in the bathroom...
Peanut is still ornery and demanding but she has her happy moments too. Check out the shoes she picked out for this outfit:

I suppose that this selection is more functional than her normal choices which are my high heels. It is pretty cute to watch her hobble around like a drunk in them though.

I know you can't see it very well but she ate her toast face first (as she does on most days) and there's butter just caked all over her lips...
No comment other than to say that at least this time they are clean.
Even though it is a proven fact that mommy is afraid of snow I did actually take the girls out last week when we had one of our 50 degree days. They played in the snow and threw snowballs at the garage. Didn't sound like fun to me, but they had a blast...

Mama Duck, who will try to be better at updating...that is, if anyone even still reads this? Let me know by leaving a comment...

What we've been up to: October

2006-11-04T08:25:00.000-06:00

Alright ladies and gentlemen, what we have here is a photo album that looks like it has been organized by the Duckling who has no concept of a chronological order. Therefore it's kinda like a box of chocolates in this post.

Chronologically speaking this first picture actually makes sense. Here are the Duckling and Papa Duck carving a pumpkin. This was about three weeks before Halloween so by the time the big night of Candy rolled around this guy was looking pretty dehydrated, moldy and down-right geriatric. Just wait until you see what Mama Duck and the Duckling made for this Grumpy Old Gourd to sit next to!!

Ah yes, the infamous red-light Chinatown district shot. Aunt R brought these gorgeous dresses for the girls from her recent trip to China. I had them all politically correctly dressed in their garb with chopsticks (stolen from Happy Garden) in their hair. Five minutes alon in her costume and Peanut was trying to pick up the attention of her little boyfriend who was dressed like a Pooh Bear (and none to happy about it either, I might add). This is at the sitter's house.
The Duckling returns from her night of Trick or Treating. Cold. It was damn cold. Hence the winter jacket (and two other layers which you can't see) jammed under the beautiful and dainty dress. Didn't matter to her...candy, candy, candy warms one's soul.
Meanwhile, back at the sitter's...here's Peatnut showing us her loverly hair whilst nibbling on something and, byt the looks of it, begging the sitter for her Pootie.

Mama and Peanut on a lazy stay-at-home, weekend day. What you missed was the ten minutes before this where I was chasing her with a tiara with which she would have nothing to do. In the end I got her to hold the magic wand...and this is when I decided the whole fairy princess costume thing wasn't going to pan out...no tiara...no fairy princess.

Back at the ranch on Candy Night...the Duckling shows her enthusiasm for the upcoming race for sugary sweets.

Wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy out of sequence...here we are pickng pumpkins...are you beginning to understand why there aren't more family photos of us together? Anyway, it was this day that I unwillingly surrendered to the fact that my flip-flop wearing days were over for the fall. Shortly thereafter I was treated at the local emergency room for frostbite.

Ahhhhhhhhhhh my piece de resistance...Ernesto. So inspired was I by the original internet puking pumpkin that I created my own masterpiece. The Duckling "helped" me by taking off and putting on the lid while I was trying to clear his chest cavity. He was sporting a radish nose and some fabulously slimy barf. This little boy came up to our porch about five minutes after I put Ernesto out and was studying him. I WISH I had filmed it because it was PRICELESS. He looked all around him, wanted to touch the barfies and just kind of skeptically slinked down the driveway. You know when you confuse a six year old boy by something disgusting you've done good.

And there you have it. Our Candy Day...Candy Month re-cap. Now please excuse me while I help to save the Duckling from cavities, tummyaches and early on-set childhood obesity by saving her from the Halloween chocolates that are taunting her.

mama duck

Motivated...

2006-10-13T13:15:00.000-05:00

I have no idea where I'm getting this sudden burst of motivation and energy to update again. Perhaps it's because my energy and time isn't being wasted thinking of really horrible things that I hoped would happen to the new, personal house that our builder is in the process of building. May he have wrong windows installed. May his GC work off an unapproved blueprint. May his house be painted the wrong color. I only wish for him the things we were blessed enough to deal with in our process of building.

Enough of being nasty....for now.

Here's Peanut out in our front yard participating in her first Wet T-Shirt Contest. She does me proud.
Last time we were in IL The Duckling was introduced to scissors and the fabulous things that can do with paper. So fabulous indeed that she decided to go ahead and have a go at what they could do with her hair.
We took a day-trip somewhere....like 35 minutes north of here. I think. I don't know. I'm a terrible navigator. But anyway we stopped and had lunch at this cute little deli that is actually owned by Culver's but has no greasy Butterburgers to offer. It was a refreshing menu and a quaint little place with real dishes and silverware. I'm proud to say that my girls didn't break any dishes but the guy at the table behind us dropped his entire tray on the ceramic tile. They just don't make those plates the way they used to, you know.
Here's The Duckling at Pootie's Going Away Fiesta. I stuck Pootie in the chocolate frosting so that she could have one last sweet suck on the ole girl before she was taken away by the Pootie Fairy. Good times, my friends, good times. That was like two weeks ago and she still asks every night and nap for her Pootie. Somehow I think the permanence of Pootie's leave hasn't registered with her yet.
We took a day this week to go back to our old 'hood. The trees there are old and established, wait, that's not PC. They are seasoned trees that qualify for the AARP and Denny's senior discounts on Tuesdays. Where was I? The big trees, right....so fall is always really pretty there. You can see The Duckling was in hog heaven being back on her old stomping ground.
Finally we have Tiny sitting in a toy bin. She's such a little bean... look at her...
Well, someone I know is awake from her nap and coveting my Halloween candy. She's currently begging for M&Ms for her healthy afternoon snack. She's totally my daughter.

mama

The Summer that Was 2006

2006-09-05T12:29:00.000-05:00

Some people have been asking whether or not I was going to update Texas Ducks anymore. Generally speaking I've put this blog "to bed" since most of you who want to see the girls get to see them more frequently now that we aren't tax-paying Texas Ducks anymore.

However since I've been asked with big, puppy-dog eyes and a little arm twisting...here it is...what we've been up to for the entire summer in one post. One loooooong post. Grab some coffee (or beer) depending on the time of day. You'll be here awhile.

No seriously. You asked, I will now proceed to share every last photo that was taken this summer because the girls are so dang adorable I just can't pick the good ones...they're all good.

Of course the big event this summer was Uncle B2 getting married. The Duckling was asked to be the flower girl which was a huge deal and meant she got to wear a beautiful dress and get all dolled up. The problem was that she wasn't so thrilled about getting into the dress...no problem, nothing Dum-Dum bribe can't be used to fix.

Peanut finally decided that she LOVED the beach about a week before we moved...away from the beach. Up until this point she used to just cry and whine about the sand and rub sunscreen in her eyes.

Here we are getting ready for the annual parade in our old neighborhood. Notably the Duckling is wearing the EXACT same outfit she wore last year for the parade. We've decided that feeding two kids, like, costs a lot and stuff so we've cut their portions in half, hence the lack of physical growth.

An actual smile (read: not the Cheesy Two Year Old Smile we've all grown accustom to)...
Peanut enjoying some "yoja" (translation: yogurt). her favorite game in the world is to walk around saying, "Mek, mek, mek, mek..." (translation: milk) until some poor sap falls for it and goes to the fridge to get her the milk. As soon as the door opens she changes her song to, "Yoja, yoja, yoja..." in hopes of getting her hands on a Dora yogurt.
Dude, I don't make the kids do these things...they just do them. Here's the Duckling with the Dora potty seat on her head. Not to worry, it's not like either of my kids have actually PEED in it or anything, it's really around more for looks. And apparently as a fashion accessory. This is also my subtle way of saying that potty training here is non-existent so don't even ask.

And finally...yet another reminder why all requests for pictures of the girls to be in one photograph together should cease immediately and never be asked for again...

(you'll also notice that Peanut has about a three inch ring around her neck of drool from teething...this has been a consistent accessory with her this summer)

Mama Duck

"Testing, testing...(thump, thump) is this thing on?"

2006-06-08T09:32:00.000-05:00

Well it turns out that like any other red-blooded American Mommy I just couldn't go any longer without showing my virtual wallet of pictures. I have no idea what actually possessed me to do this, but here goes.

Here we have The Duckling reading to Phoebe and Sophia. It's a really long book with lots of hard words, even I don't read this one to my kids. I prefer to stick to "The Foot Book" and "If You Give a Mouse a Cookie" (which has really funny pictures). And here's Memorial Day weekend when I played Single Mom. A game which, come to find out, I am just not meant to play. I don't know how all you single moms out there do it. Really, there ought to be a holiday for you guys.
"Gawd! The pressure! I just cannot deal," screeches Peanut as she shuts out the rest of the crazy world.
"Whew, all better. I'm good now. Where are the Goldfish?" she says after a few moments in her Zen place.
Last but not least you will see that we have made NO progress from the really-cheesy-posed-two-year-old-smile that we have been seeing since last December. Any day now the kids' modeling agencies are going to be busting my door down to sign her on. I just know it.
Alright move it along, folks. Nothing more to see here.

mama duck

Until we can take the "n/ka" away...

2006-03-07T19:05:00.000-06:00

And she sings.

mama and her brood

The Week that Was February 20th

2006-02-24T14:12:00.000-06:00

I'm going to do it.

I'm actually going to update this site on time this week.

Last weekend Mama Duck traveled far, far away back to the very cool land of Texas. It was here that she met the handsome and charming Holden who will (fingers crossed) some day become Peanut's husband. If we can pull this off I can guarantee that Peanut will never have MIL issues. Ain't he cute?
Now, while I was in Texas, Holden's Mama (Peanut's future MIL) asked if The Duckling had problems with "plumber's crack" when she wore pants. I thought about it and said no. Well, I'm here to tell you that she wore pants four times this week and all four times she not only had plumber's crack, but her pants were down around her ankles. I think we need to beef her up a bit.

I don't believe that you can ever start your girls' good taste in jewelry too early. Here's Peanut's checking out the latest Tiffany's catalog.

This week I was working on my running bid for Mother of the Year Award. And let me tell you, I was working it hard. She who once proclaimed that "Snow can kill mommy..." actually bundled her two children up and took them out to play in the snow.

(notice how thrilled Peanut looks? What is it with those of us being BORN in the North being disenchanted with the snow while those Southern born (see below) LOVE it? Weird...)
Well folks, there it is. An update done...on time.
Have a lovely weekend and don't be expecting this kind of punctuality again anytime soon.
Cheers-
mama duck

And the hits just keep on comin'

2006-02-14T20:59:00.000-06:00

I'm tardy in updating this and this post is pretty much going to be a sorry excuse for writing.

Both of the girls are sick, sick, sick again. The Duckling has two ear infections and Peanut has one ear infection and RSV. No fun at all.

Sometimes I'm afraid that people think that I have Munchausen by Proxy.

I wish.
A sick Duckling runs away at the sight of the camera. Obviously not feeling her most photo-worthy.
Mama and Peanut share a moment. Notice the fountain of snot running down her face? if snot were a hot commodity I'd be a rich mother.

mama, who hopes that by April we can all be healthy so we can go to the park, park, wanna go to the park?

The Week that Was January 30

2006-02-03T19:12:00.000-06:00

Alright, in my defense I was uploading these pictures last night when I heard Papa Duck saying, "My wife..." to the flooring guys who were downstairs. It seemed like the kind of thing I needed to be present for to defend my character and remind him of decisions we'd already made. But for that this would have been done on Friday.

This week Peanut was battling Augmentin for her eye infection. This produced the first poonamis since the end of my tenure as The Human Milk Factory. Here you can see The Duckling exercising extreme caution in checking to see if there is indeed a poopy in there.

Last weekend we attended a birthday party with a safari theme. Each of the ankle-biters in attendance received a pair of binoculars as a party gift which was a great hit with The Duckling who could be heard all week saying, "Smile Mommy! Smile Peanut!" Binoculars, camera, whatever.
Nekkid Peanut. Lots of time being nekkid in between blow-outs and wardrobe changes.
When she wasn't pooping up a storm she was entertaining herself with her newest toy. Gone are the days of being obsessed with tampons and pads, oh for sure. Now we're loving on big sister's boot. Yes, as in footwear.
The best definitely had to be saved for last. Here's The Duckling who decided to dress herself...over her already existing clothing. First she pulled on her bathing suit over her pants and then decided she loved the layered look over her hoodie. She, of course, topped it all off with her signature smile. Does me proud I tell ya.
Anyway, there's the scoop. Sick, poop and stuck inside are the three things that pretty much sum up our week. We're hoping to get out for some walks next week when Peanut stops pooping (not permanently, just every hour or so) and mama feels better.

mama

The Week that Was

2006-01-28T09:28:00.000-06:00

The dog ate my homework and that's why I'm late.

For those of you who don't have kids yet (and I'm partially talking to you Uncle B and Future-Aunt R...) here's some advice. You can buy 'em toys, buy 'em toys, buy 'em toys...

...but they'll still get the greatest pleasure out of playing with your tampons and pads. I'm just saying. Peanut occupied herself for 20 minutes, which I do believe is a record for the attention span of a nine month old, playing with these yesterday morning. She started out playing with them under the toilet in the bathroom and when she was undeterred by my removing her numerous times from the situation I gave up and brought them out into the bedroom.

Here's The Duckling who decided to take her arm out of her shirt at lunch. Why? Because she's two. She couldn't get it back in the arm hole, but managed to get it through the neck. As I ran to get the camera I heard, "Naked Peanut! Naked Peanut! Naked Peanut! Naked Peanut!" as she tried to show her sister just how much of an exhibitionist she really is.
And here we are getting ready for bed on Friday night. Peanut in her jammies and mama in her rollers...don't make fun, you know you want some too.
And papa and The Duckling who, as always, is complying with the request for a "smile."

Happy weekend and we hope your week was as enjoyable and full of fun as ours.

mama

Well, it just wouldn't be like me if it were on time two weeks in a row, now would it?

2006-01-23T20:01:00.000-06:00

Here's what we've been up to...last week. Punctuality, my friends, punctuality.

I have no idea what order these actually go in, so let's just pretend like I've got them in proper chronological order, mmmmkay?

We braved the cold to enjoy the park for 10 minutes one morning to ensure that The Duckling would take her entire two hour nap. It worked. Amazing what a little fresh air and slide can do.

Always the fashion-plate. She's wearing my high-heeled black boots, white beach hat and carrying a bucket of zoo animals. And doesn't she just look like she belongs in the latest issue of People or what?
Always the helpers my kids are...here's Peanut assisting with the whites on Laundry Day, which, as if you have to ask, is every day around here.

Mommy and The Duckling playing in the mirror. This is our "sexy" face in case you were wondering.

Peanut wonders what she's done to get a kiss from such a hot mama. Alright, agreed, it's getting a little deep in here, but work with me people.

And finally we have yet another reminder of why the grandparents don't ask for pictures of the girls together.

Cheeahs and happy Monday...nearly Tuesday...

mama

Weekly Update

2006-01-13T07:22:00.000-06:00

First let me start by saying you are WAY too kind about the no make-up thing in the previous post. I'll take what I can get though, thanks! :)

Now, onto this week on film. We actually got a few hours the last two days when that big glowing orb thing came out in the sky. It was kind of blinding as we've all been living like moles in the cloudy gloom for the last two weeks, but I'll take the sunshine any way I can get it.

Here are The Duckling and Peanut enjoying a few minutes at the park. All went well until the major meltdown upon leaving time. I hate that the park is in the backyard of the fire station. I'm sure one of these days they're going to think I'm abducting some random kid. It's embarrassing really.

You can see that Peanut was having a difficult time deciding which pootie she wanted. Typically each morning when I wake up her she rotates all three pooties in her mouth before I get her out of the crib. It's sort of the OCD thing she has to see which one tastes the best.

Here you have The Duckling applying "lotion" to her nose. And by "lotion" I do mean yogurt.

Here is Day #2 of the sunshine. Kind of cruel that I took the picture with the sun shining in their face, but it's kind of proof that the sun was actually out, ya know?

Happy Friday the 13th!
mama

Last Friday's Update

2006-01-08T19:03:00.000-06:00

Well, I pretty much almost lost my mind last week. It's been so cold and cloudy and icky we hadn't been outside in almost a month. Sure we walked to and from the car for car rides but that's been about it in terms of our outside adventures. Bundling my two kids is like trying to dress a litter of squirming puppies. Seeing as dressing in this case requires more than sandals that takes a long time. Coats, boots, hats, mittens...You can almost be assured that during that dressing time one or both of them will poop and the other one will break something.

That's how desparate I was to get out of the house.

Here's a little self-portrait before we got going. You'll notice that The Duckling is giving her best smile and I have absolutely no make-up on. Did I mention I was desparate to get out?
Here's The Duckling running on the sidewalk. Well, running as much as you can in huge purple moon boots.

Finally you have Peanut and me. She looks thrilled to be outside, doesn't she?
There's proof that I actually take my kids out in the winter to do fun things. Sure we didn't build a snowman, but you'll notice there's not much snow around right now to do that so walking to the end of the block, waving to the park and walking back is as about as fun as it gets.

mama

I made it with 11.5 months to spare!!!

2006-01-04T10:32:00.000-06:00

As promised I am getting the Christmas pictures up before Christmas 2006, therefore I am not late, I have met or exceeded my goal.

The Duckling's sitter had an open house for all of her little monsters before Christmas. Now if I were her, I would think that on a Saturday night after being cooped up in a house ALL WEEK with kids ranging in age from a fwe months to 6-7 years old I would want to go out and get liquored. Not her, she just begs for more.

Here's The Duckling before the party. A casual observer would think that she is angry and trying to choke her doll. A more informed insider would be able to tell you that she is actually smiling and holding her favorite doll, Phoebe, for the picture.
Here's a candid and slightly better smiling picture.

Peanut enjoyed her first Christmas. Mostly she was interested in the paper and plastic wrpping on the gifts. In retrospect we all should have saved our money and just gien her some circular ads from the Sunday paper and Saran Wrap to play with. Hindsight 20/20, yadda, yadda, yadda.

In an attempt to not make Peanut hate me for the rest of my life, I went ahead and chopped off her mullet last week. Cute as the long hair was, it was, in reality...just a mullet. I, of course, saved the hair for her scrapbook. In all about two inches were cut off.
Finally, some sisterly love. The Duckling and Peanut enjoy playing with the Little People park and Zoo...together...sharing...nice, isn't it? Don't you wish your kids got along as famously as mine do?

Alright, alright...they're not ALWAYS this perfect, but admittedly (knock on wood) The Duckling is a pretty good and sharing big sister.

Cheers-
mama

Time Warp: Getting Ready for Christmas!

2005-12-28T10:07:00.000-06:00

(so yeah..I'm a wee bit behind...here's what we were up to BEFORE the chaos of Christmas hit)

Peanut is a Pootie Addict just like her sister. I'm working on not letting her have it when she's awake, but sometimes when you're having a craving you just need a fix no matter what. Here's her latest creative solution.

A puzzle piece with a wooden knobie on it. Works for her. As a matter of fact sometimes The Duckling will go ahead and just pop it into Peanut's mouth is she's looking a little wild-eyed.

Now, what is Christmas without Christmas cookies? The Duckling and I were hard at work in the kitchen getting down to business with the decorating!

As perviously mentioned this was a COMPLETELY sterile and sanitary environment. If you were lucky enough to receive any homemade cookies you can be totally assued that absolutely NO finger licking occurred during this procedure. (wink, wink)

And finally, our now famous Christmas photo...

I decided (given the horrific adventures we've had in the past at JcPenney's Portrait Studio) that taking a nice, sweet family picture was pretty much a pipe dream. Here's what we came up with instead, a self-portrait in front of the Chrismas tree. I'm thinking of making this a family tradition to save on my sanity.

mama, who promises photos of the actual holiday before Christmas 2006

Bringing it back to it's roots

2005-12-16T19:33:00.000-06:00

I've decided that this blog will return to its original roots full-time with once weekly updates. It's just too much with two ankle biters running around who don't understand the meaning of "Mommy Time" to get posts done more frequently.

As such, here's the week that was!

Miss Peanut on one of our Mommy and Me mornings when The Duckling is at the sitter's house. Notably you'll see drool hanging off her chin. Always the drool, never the teeth. Oh well, I figure that along with feeding her bottles in the middle of the night while she's at college I can go ahead and mash her food up for her too.

Just looking at this picture you might think that this is sisterly love on the behalf of The Duckling. I assure you that the second after I snapped this shot she rolled over on top of Peanut. End of tender moment.
Along with the crawling Peanut has turned into a Destructo Baby. If it's in her path it's fair game. Here you see cups, blocks, letters (two sets) and 26 zoo animals that felt her wrath.

What would appear to be another sweet sister picture is actually The Duckling sitting down right next to Peanut as I was trying to get a picture of her crawling for her scrapbook. Yes, she who hates to get her picture taken cannot stand it if Peanut's getting hers taken. Must. Be. In. On. The. Action.

And the piece de resistance...The Duckling wearing my newly acquired Cheesehead hat. Go ahead and drool, you know you want one!

mama

Weekly Update...

2005-12-08T21:14:00.000-06:00

When I first started this blog I only updated it once a week. It was a jam packed entry with our doings for the week. In a nostalgic remembrance, I will do the same this week.

Monday started off like it was the middle of the week. The weekend was rough as The Duckling recently realized that Peanut is now able to crawl and get into her stuff. This made for a very jealous and naughty two-year old. She spent the morning at the sitter's and as soon as she returned home she chucked one of Peanut's balls across the room. Not typical Duckling behavior.

Tuesday was a long day. I think. I'm guessing it was because we were stuck inside all day. Snow and cold, you know. You'll notice that The Duckling has appropriately dressed Phoebe (her doll) for the cold snap with a hat and blanket. Although with the super cold (17 degrees-ish daily) we're having now I'm thinking she might want to toss an electric blanket in the carseat too.

Wednesday The Duckling went to the sitter's again and Peanut went in for Flu Shot #2. She did great and smiled at me the whole time until it was over. The nurse was quick with the shot and was done before the pain registered in Peanut's head. You'll see Peanut here (in a photo from a few days ago) with her favorite toy. A stick that holds the canvas bins on the playshelf. Give 'em toys, give 'em toys, give 'em toys and they want to play with sticks. And empty toilet paper rolls. And DVD cases.

(P.S. that IS her smile...just wait until you see the family Christmas picture we're sending out this year)

There was a distinct lack of napping this week on non-sitter days. Meaning, she wears herself out when she can get out of the house (LOVED the park this summer for that reason....me, not her). I'm smart. I decided to take the girls to a local gym for free-time today. Let me tell you that it was the BEST FREAKIN' $4 I've ever spent. She slept for a solid two hours today.

We're hosting playgroup tomorrow, so I'm on my way downstairs to put away all the toys that may potentially start a temper-tantrum if they had to be shared. I'm guessing the Play Room will be pretty empty by the time I'm done.

Happy Weekend all!!
mama

Motivation

2005-12-02T13:37:00.000-06:00

"If you eat your ham I'll show you the poopie."

"Big. Poopie!"

Yup, The Duckling is now so entirely fascinated with poop that she has to check it out with her own two eyes. And we're not just talking about her own poop. She needs to see Peanut's too.

The really sad and somewhat disturbuing part is that she is so motivated to see poop that she actually ate green beans, which she absolutely HATES, just to sneak a peek at Peanut's latest masterpiece.

mama, who wonders where in the world this fascination with poop originated from...

Errrr, we can stop whispering

2005-11-30T09:46:00.000-06:00

My little Peanut who is getting to be not-so-little anymore...
The Duckling enjoys finger painting with chocolate pudding. Nothing better than edible paint, clean-up is minimal.

That was a fluke.

The sleeping through the night? Yeah, a fluke.

I do think though that she will now start waking up only once a night for a bottle and I am willing to accept that.

If it's at 1 AM, it's at 1 AM, if it's later, it's later.

She sleeps from 7 PM until at least 7 AM and I can understand not being able to go a full twelve hours without food.

I guess, but it won't stop me from being crabby in the middle of the night.
_____________
From The Duckling's mouth, "Relassss!" she kept saying to Peanut, who was yelling about not being fed fast enough.

I thought about this for awhile. What word does she keep saying?

Ah-ha, "relax"...I say that all the time when the kids are losing their little minds. Apparently she's picked up when to say that appropriately as Peanut's mind is sliding out of her ears from not getting her Turkey, Barley and Carrots at a super-human rate of speed.

Another word that I hear her utter frequently is "doggone" which is what I've used to replace the f-bomb among the other non-toddler friendly words that I used to use. I suppose it's better than her yelling out, "Son of a bitch!" when she drops her doll or spills her Goldfish.

mama

(whispering)

2005-11-29T13:54:00.000-06:00

Peanut slept from 7 PM until 5 AM last night.

This is the first time she's slept through the night.

Yup. She's 7.5 months old.

Usually it's 7 PM until midnight...bottle...sleeps until 4 AM...another bottle...and then she sleeps until 7 AM.

Last night she got up for her bottle at 5 and slept again until 8 AM.

(whispering so as not to jinx it)

mama

File Under: Proud Parenting Moment #19

2005-11-22T21:38:00.000-06:00

"Mooov."

"You want me to move over to the couch?"

"Mooooov."

"Oh. Mouth?"

(nods) "Boogie."

"You have a boogie in your mouth?"

(nods)

(disbelief) "Show me how you got a boogie in your mouth."

(roots around in nose, sticks finger in mouth all the while string at me)

Huh, I guess she did know what she was saying.

mama, who knew she shouldn't have, but laughed anyway

New Recipe: Crazy Mutha

2005-11-21T13:06:00.000-06:00

My happy little Peanut learning to bang away on the xylophone.
Look at The Duckling's real live smile...
...now look at the "posed" smile. Nice, eh?

Guess who's learning to crawl?!!??!

Here's the latest recipe thought up by yours truly to be submitted to a culinary, or more likely, bartending book in the near future.

Crazy Mutha
2 days of alone time with two children
1 yelling infant
1 mischievous toddler
156 plastic beads, shapes, letters and rings
pinch of insanity
dash of hopes for getting out of the house because it's too cold.

Take the 2 days of alone time with two children and mix with 1 yelling infant and 1 mischievous toddler. Mix until infant is screaming and toddle is in time-out.

Add 156 plastic toys and scatter throughout.

Continue to mix well adding the pinch of insanity and the dash of hopes for getting out of the house because it's too cold.

Serve quickly. Very quickly.
Yield: 1

mama, who thinks this is going to be big, VERY big amongst my fellow Hunting Widows

Happy Birthday Duckling

2005-11-17T14:04:00.000-06:00

Dear Duckling,

Two years ago today you were welcomed to the world by a team of doctors, nurses, students, specialists and anyone else they could jam into our tiny birthing room. You had no intentions of leaving your nice, cozy home and we eventually had to use one of the miracles of modern medicine to suck you out into the real world. Amen for the suction vac after three long, torturous, painful hours of pushing.

This last year we have certainly had our fair share of changes with our move to Wisconsin, having to send Lucky to bunny heaven (where I'm sure she's thankful to be safe and out of your, errrr I mean harm's, way) and welcoming your new sister to our home.
I can see how thankful you are that I ruined my perfectly good size 2 body to carry a healthy baby to term. Look at how you gaze at your mama while she gives you a kiss. Someday you'll understand just what a sacrifice that really was. I realize that currently numbers don't mean a hill of beans to your cute little toddler brain.

For while I wasn't sure that you were going to actually make it to see your second birthday. We had some pretty hairy weeks there where you screamed "no", ran into the street, threw temper tantrums at the drop of a hat, did mean things to your sister and generally tested the theoretical unconditional love I have for you.

I'm glad to say that we have learned how things work around here. You tell me what you want and I usually end up getting it for you. I'm sure you will find that this arrangement will work in your favor for many years to come. My only hope is that you too will have a Scorpio baby of your own someday. It really only seems fair.

All my love-

mama

Taking Back Our Room

2005-11-14T09:33:00.000-06:00

Peanut has been in her own room for two nights (and six naps) now and things are going great. She fussed for the first nap a little bit, but after that she seems to have adjusted quite well. (doing the happy dance!!!)

Mama and Papa Duck are adjusting just fine as well. We are enjoying turning the light on after 7 PM in our room, not running in to the footboard and bruising our thighs (due to the dark room) and talking in normal indoor voices whenever we feel like it. Additionally I have cleaned (yes, broke out the Pledge and everything...bow down to me, The Domestic Goddess) and reclaimed the once changing-table which has now reverted back to our dresser complete with photos and a glass vase full of calla lilies. It's so nice to not have wipies and diaper baskets as decor as I'm sure Martha would concur.

DAD- STOP READING HERE.

And Kerry...we are going to great lengths to ensure that there will be NO MORE ACCIDENTS in this house. (you could kind of say that Peanut was more of a "happy accident" or "a blessing" as she wasn't exactly what I'd refer to as "planned") As much as I love and adore my children and sharing a room with them, I'm quite done. I always though three was my magic number but as I sat in the hospital with my hooha in great agony after delivering Peanut I realized that two was indeed a great number at which to stop. ;)

mama

(shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh....)

2005-11-12T21:00:00.000-06:00

(guess who's spending her first night in her very own room?!?!?!!?!?)

She's getting the boot...

2005-11-08T19:21:00.000-06:00

Welp, that's it.

Peanut is closing in on seven months and still not sleeping through the night. I largely attribute it to the following facts:
1. She sleeps in our room
2. When she fusses Papa Duck insists that she's hungry (b/c he can't sleep and he has to get up and go to W-O-R-K in the morning...food puts her to sleep, so therefore she MUST be hungry)
3. She likes to party and what better place to do so than in a room with two other people?

The Duckling, Peanut and I spent the morning cleaning out the computer room and preparing it to be turned into Peanut's Temporary Housing Situation Until Her New Room at the New House is completed.

While I'm sad to see her go (kind of) it's really time that she learns that night time is for sleeping. I'm hoping that while she's working on that she'll also acquire a gift for sleeping in, as the "Sleeping In Late on Weekends Gene" seems to have skipped over her whilst I was uncubating her.

mama, four days and counting until Peanut moves...

Are you ever in for it now...

2005-11-03T13:43:00.000-06:00

Well, mostly because I suck and sit around watching soaps all day whist nibbling on bon-bons I haven't posted very regularly. I'm like the pen-pal who doesn't write, doesn't write, doesn't write and then sends you a sixteen page letter updating you on the last year and a half of my life.

Withoug further adieu...

This week started off by giving Peanut the longest, most relaxing bath she's ever had. The Duckling is now going to the sitter's house two times a week which gives Peanut and I more bonding time (mainly done at Target). Poor kid. The Duckling always had regular baths, with Peanut she mostly gets one when she kinds smells funky.

Halloween! Look at that cute ladybug! As I've already relayed to some of you...We are in the qualifying rounds for World's Worst Parents. We only let The Duckling Trick Or Treat at two houses. We then prompltly took her candy, told her it was a "choking hazard" and gave her some Goldfish and Kix to munch on while we snarfed her M&Ms and Milky Ways.

This week was beautiful in Madison. We spent nearly every afernoon at the park. I tried to get some good shots of Peanut, but you'll see that she spend most of her time watching her sister run back...

...and forth.

There's that Big Sister again!

I've determined that survival of the fittest is alive and well in Toddlerdom. The Duckling manages to push me so far to the edge that I'm just not sure that she's going to be able to live another day and then...

...BANG! She knows I'm gonna lose and and she straightens up! Amazing...that Darwin guy might have had something...

Peanut says, "Eat your prunes. They help you poop good."

That is all. Whew. Hope you aren't on kiddo overload, but I just couldn't narrow down what to post...lucky you.

DAD- DON'T READ ON!!!

Now, for those of you who are thinking, "Geez, they're so cute, I should really have one more!" go take your pill, "be cool and cover your tool" or do whatever necessary. If you really feel like you need another one, contact me and I'll send you one on loan until you make sure that is really what you want.

mama, who, in conjunction with Papa Duck and the girls is working to create the first and only Catholic-approved form of birth control...stay tuned...

Would You Just Look at How Cute They Are (She Is): Part 9

2005-10-31T07:35:00.000-06:00

Happy Halloween Ya'll!
Love,
Peanut

Postcards from The Edge

2005-10-28T09:44:00.000-05:00

Alright, here are those beautiful children that I promised pictures of. Don't you just wish you could be here soaking up their sweetness!?!??!

I mean, can't you just hear the serenity in my household?

Who wouldn't want to spend hours and hours and hours relaxing to the screaming and whining of two sick children?

If I were to send you a postcard via snailmail today it would probably say something like, "The Whining is Beautiful, Wish You Were Here (instead of me...)"

mama

Where were we?

2005-10-25T19:53:00.000-05:00

Yes, we are all still here. I am in the qualifying round for World's Worst Mother by way of not taking photos of my kids for about a week and a half now.

I suck.

I know.

Anyway, they both have runny noses now and who really wants to see pictures of boogers (or alternatlivey The Duckling licking them as they stream down her lip)?

mama, who PROMISES to take some pictures tomorrow...for real...

For now here's one from a few weeks ago when The Duckling FREAKED out because Peanut was in her old highchair. By the time we took this picture she was OK with it though (you'll notice she's drinking "juice" at her booster seat...it's really milk, shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!).

A bit of turbulence

2005-10-20T12:26:00.000-05:00

I apologize for being away for so long. As some of you already know we've had a rather unexpected death in our family and my energy is needed elsewhere. Please keep my Aunt R, Uncle P and their children M and K in your thoughts as they mourn their daughter and sister's, respectively, passing.

As such I will be away for a bit but wanted to leave you with what I believe to be the ugliest batch of cupcakes ever made. As I finished these I thought, "I have no freakin' business making The Duckling's birthday cake next month. I shall call in the professionals." Enjoy and remember the acid-trip, suicidal cookies of last winter.

I am not a baker and am vastly inexperienced with the icing writing adn decoration.

My daughter will bring Spinach Lasagne or Beef Stew to her class for her birthdays.

mama

Just a reminder why it would be wong to give The Duckling away

2005-10-13T13:32:00.000-05:00

Papa Duck was out of town last night leaving me to fend off the wild beasties by myself. Explain to me how the same child who can pee in the potty at 4 PM can piss on her carpeted bedroom floor at 6:45 PM? What happened to that bladder control she had going on two hours previously?

I am posting these photographs as a reminder to myself that it would be terribly wrong to leave The Duckling at the corner of a busy intersection in a box labeled, "Free toddler to good home."

Peanut who is still always happy to see me and doesn't do anything to intentionally piss her mother off (although she has had two MAJOR POONAMIS in the last 24 hours requiring full wardrobe change and hose-down, but again...it's not intentional...).

The Duckling shortly after finishing reading the critically acclaimed, "973 Ways to Irritate Your Mother and Bring her to the Brink of Insanity."

Peanut, please don't turn on me. You're the only female ally I have in this house. You big Sweet Peanut, you...

Sure, she looks like a cutie with a heart of gold, but I'm here to tell you different my friends. The kids refused to eat dinner last night...spaghetti and meatballs? "NO!" PB&J? "NO!"

Dude, whatever, go to bed hungry.

AND SHE DID! AND SHE SLEPT IN THIS MORNING!!! UNTIL 8 O'CLOCK!!!!

mama, who thinks that maybe there's something to this no dinner thing...

Especially for Mom and my Father In Law...

2005-10-10T12:39:00.000-05:00

...who are both making progress in learning all about the internet and computers! Here's the proverbial carrot on the stick.
____________________________
As many of you recall, last January I sent out a plea for recipes in an attempt to feed my family who demanded more than hamburger Helper and bologna sandwiches. I am thrilled to say that I've been working hard and am doing quite well in the kitchen.

Anyway, we're sitting down to dinner the other night. I made Parmesan crusted chicken and angel hair pasta with tomatoes and olive oil the other night.

"I'm becoming quite the cook!" I exclaimed to Papa Duck.

No sooner had those words left my lips when I hear, "Yucky!!!" from The Duckling.

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr....she who thinks pizza and mac-and-cheese are gourmet meals (wonder where she got that from?!?!)

_______________________________________________

Check out The Duckling in her "Someone in Texas Loves Me" T-shirt from our friends Lindsay and Caden back in Austin!

For those of you with adorable children under one year old...take all the pictures you can now because this is what EVERY SINGLE POSED SHOT with a nearly two year old looks like!

OMG....The Duckling and Peanut are playing so nicely! You know, usually Peanut is just teasing and taunting her older sister, those babies are just so dang manipulative.

So as not to overload your system with a million and seven pictures of the world's cutest ducklings I will stop now and post more pictures very soon. This weekend yielded a bumper crop of great pictures, if only I had my camera ready when Grandpa Einstein came down the tunnel slide...

mama, who is so very glad that Target has a dual-screen portable DVD player on sale this week for a cost that won't bust her budget

Counting down the days until Roadtrip 2005

2005-10-04T19:32:00.000-05:00

(which sadly will not be filled with days of visiting Graceland in a semi-comatose, hungover state and nights spent drinking cheap beer in shady bars in Memphis as a roadtrip was once sure to include)

I wish I could tell you that this week has been full of adventure and excitement, but...it hasn't.

This week's highlights so far have included, but are not limited to:
* changing many a poopie diaper

* spending countless hours watching The Duckling work on her new stunt of using the slide at the park (a/k/a "Darwinian Natural Selection Childhood Test #1"...VERY steep metal stairs)

* making a hundred-thousand bottles for Peanut (whom I might just legally rename to "Human Alarmclock" for her innate ability to know when EXACTLY three hours have passed)

* The Duckling's first "teecos" (tacos)

* petting a dog named Rosie

* picking out pumpkins with Grandma & Grandpa S and The Duckling having a meltdown for the three millionth time in a week for some reason that I will never quite grasp

Here are my current favorite pictures of all time of my little girls who are growing up so quickly. So quickly in fact that while I was very possibly smoking crack this weekend I uttered the words, "Maybe we should have another baby..."

Peanut enjoying the excitement that is pumpkin picking. Apparently they look like humongous boobs...look at that drool!

The sweet Duckling playing in the rain puddle as few weekends ago. What fun is childhood without big rubber rainboots and puddles to splash in?

mama, who is proud, tired and occasionally just a bit out of her head

Because I promised my MIL for some photo updates

2005-09-30T13:08:00.000-05:00

We were on the way to Sugar Daddy's office for lunch today when Van Morrison came on. I turned the radio up.

"Wiggles?" from the backseat.

"No, Van Morrison. We like Van Morrison, don't we?" I proded thinking of many a drunken college days swaying and slurring to "Brown Eyed Girl."

"Wiggles."

Listen up Duckling, there's apparently very little that I can control in the world and it's your sad luck that one thing I do happen to have power over is my car's radio. (Nah, nah, nah, nah boo-boo) Now, you will sit quietly and listen to Van Morrison as I try to maneuver through the city without hitting any bicyclists.
_______________________________________________

The Duckling and her cousin, Lugnut Beefcake, hanging out last weekend.

"You can't always get what you want..." Part 2 (of many to come, I'm sure) That wise, wise Mick Jagger...must have had two year olds in mind when he wrote that little ditty. Nice hair, eh?

The happier of my two children, Peanut.

The Duckling assists in the organization of the computer room while I blog.

My sweet, sweet baby who is too young to destroy a whole lot, but has indeed gotten the whining thing down whenever Mommy isn't holding her.

Enjoy your weekend!

mama, who is off to take a snoozer herself and then taking the little beasties to the park to wear them out for a bit

Wherein I lose just one more ounce of my sanity and eerily resemble a junkie needing a fix

2005-09-26T14:30:00.000-05:00

We went to Target today and if you stay through my, what I guarantee will be a most entertaining story, I will reward you with photos of the world's cutest girls.

We started off going to the Tarjey concession stand because it was close to lunch and I thought I could buy The Duckling's good behavior with a large, soft pretzel. This old woman approached us and had to check out both of the girls and ask me repeatedly how I would like to have seven kids like the woman in Iowa (ummm, I would put a gun in my mouth) or if I was aiming for twin boys the next time (if it were to happen, I might take a giant leap off of a very, very tall building). Finally the concession chick comes over and the pretzels won't be done for another ten minutes.

That might as we be next Tuesday in the mind of a two year old. We ventured on, empty handed.

Our first stop was in the baby aisle for (no, not another baby), but some soft leather shoes for Peanut. They sell 0-6 mos. or 6-12 mos. Now, she's 5 1/2 mos....do I dole out $13 for a few weeks or get my money's worth by making her wear shoes that are a little big. I'm married to an accountant, you better bet that Peanut is going to be looking a bit like Bozo for the next month or so.

On to the toddlers' shoe section. Now, I should have guessed that repeatedly whacking myself on the knuckles with a five pound hammer would have been less painful, but it's Monday and Monday brings out the ambitiousness in me.

I released The Duckling from her restraints in the shopping cart and you'd have thought that someone at the zoo proclaimed it "Free the Wildebeest Day". She took off for the main aisle as I snatched her hood and drug her back to the shoes we needed to try on. After wrestling the wild beastie for a few moments I got her to try on a few pairs and walk around (without too many fleeing incidents).

Now was the time that all wild animal capturers fear...entrapment. No easy way to do this...I scooped her up and shoved her into the cart. The screaming began. A lot of screaming. A lot of very loud screaming. I could do nothing but laugh hysterically. I couldn't pretend to be embarrassed. I couldn't pretend to get so mad that we were going to leave the store (I had more on my list, dammit!!!).

Finally the screaming and writhing hit a lull and I strapped her into her Floppy Seat and handed her the box of shoes. She looked at me, opened the box, and flung the top on the floor, then the shoes and then the bottom of the box.

Then her Kix went out the cart. One. At. A. Time. through the shoe department and then home goods.

The next 15 minutes went forth without incident.

Because I've somehow addicted The Duckling to those nice, young Australian men that all American mothers love for one reason or another I wanted to pick up a Wiggles CD to fill in during long car trips. The Duckling saw this an immediately had to hold the new CD. She managed to hold it together until we got out of the store with a teeny, tiny exception when the checker had to scan the CD.

We got the car loaded up and The Duckling was ready for her new music so I started trying to get the CD open. Now, there's not just plastic wrap, oh no...there this huge plastic contraption I have to cut away. Thankfully I have an arsenal of pocket knives in my car which finally allowed me to get to the coveted Wiggles CD. I started thinking about how sad it was that I was maniacally pulling and cutting at this plastic unable to wait until I got home to use my good kitchen scissors. And then it occurred to me, WHO am I really opening this for? My two year old or me?

I put the tunes in and jammed all the way home. Th hughlights were "Toot Toot Chugga Chugga Big Red Car" (where I tooted and chugged and sang really loudly) and "Rock A Bye Your Bear" (which made me cry, but that's only because I'm a hormonal mess).

Alright, here's your reward...

Yummy

Corn

"I'm just abused, day in and day out, but I lack the ability to run away..."

2005-09-23T13:32:00.000-05:00

If there's one person in this house that deserves a double Gin and Tonic (heavy on the gin) more than me, it's poor Cashew.

Dressed in girl's clothes (how humiliating...everyone knows Cashew is a boy bear).
Made to sit in any number of baby contraptions.
Put in the bathtub and has water dumped on his head.
Stomped on by The Duckling's precious feet.
Shoved in the garbage can for a friendly game of "Hide & Seek".
Being sucked on and having his nose gnawed on.

"Screw the rocks," he says blearily, "make mine straight up."

mama, who gives three cheers to Cashew for enduring The Duckling's daily abuse and "love"

How much irreparable damage am I really doing?

2005-09-20T12:47:00.000-05:00

See the cup that The Duckling is drinking out of? It has a straw. Finally, my nearly two year old daughter has learned to use a straw.

She came to me yesterday with an apple juice box, which, might I add, she has NEVER had before. She found it in my stash in the kitchen, I tried to give it to her MONTHS ago when she was sick so we still have some extras hanging around.

"Jooose?"
"Honey, you don't drink juice."
"Jooose?"
"Alright."
I go to the kitchen and grab the cup that she's drinking from in this photo and fill it with water. I'm pretty sure that she doesn't want juice, she just wants to drink out of the straw.
"Here's your juice, baby."
She manages to slam back three cups full of "joose" (water...) through her straw.

Then, she pees for the second time ever on her potty.

Do I feel bad that I'm lying and telling her it's "juice"? She's happy. She's drinking water.

Someday I SWEAR I'll reintroduce her to real juice, but for now it's nice to know that she doesn't know about the sugary sweetness...watered down or not, it's still not water. I know it's impossible to shield her from the evils of sugar forever, but soon enough she'll figure out that the Oreos I eat after dinner are indeed cookies and not rutabaga, as I've been telling her.

mama, who isn't really sure what rutabaga is but is sure that it's not hurting to tell that little white lie to The Duckling...if in over three decades I've never been exposed to rutabagas I'm sure she won't either...

Guess who pee-peed in the potty for the first time ever yesterday?!?!?!?!!?

2005-09-17T09:01:00.000-05:00

Could I possibly be approaching the day when I only have to buy ONE size diapers when I make my weekly run to Target!??!

mama

Correspondence between Mama and Peanut dated 9-15-2005

2005-09-15T09:33:00.000-05:00

Dear Peanut,

Loved your lists below. I've noticed the distinct change in your demeanor in that being placed anywhere other than my arms or the Bjorn is not acceptable. Dually noted with irritation. Also, we will continue to have on-hand your dietary staple that is gas drops.

Another little issue I'd like to address with you is the fact that you don't seem to be sleeping through the night at five months old. I know I set high standards for you and The Duckling, but it's for your own good. Mama is not a night-friendly person and it's in your best interest to sleep through so that Mama may do the same. Getting up three times a night just isn't working for me. Let's see if you can't work on sucking down the remaining three ounces that you habitually leave in your bottle. Nighttime is for sleeping, not eating. The Dairy Bar closes promptly at your bedtime, these late night emergency snacks are just no good for me.

Other than that, I love the new baby straight-jacket Daddy bought for you. While you tend to bust out of it immediately it does keep you warm at night and that's good as we enter fall in the North.

I hear that you are fussing for me already despite the fact that I don't think your morning nap, at 40 minutes, was nearly long enough. What do I know though?

I love you, Peanut.

My Lists of Good Things and Bad Things By Peanut Duck

2005-09-12T13:29:00.000-05:00

Things that are good/I like:
1. Boobies
2. Grabbing a fistful of Mommy's hair and pulling it...hard
3. Shoving the same fistful of Mommy's hair in my mouth
4. My toes
5. When The Duckling smiles or makes funny faces at me
6. Ba-bas (bottles)
7. Baby Bjorn (this is new and I don't know why Mommy and Daddy didn't have one from the moment I was born)
8. Pootie
9. Being picked up and carried around for hours on end
10. The feeling after I've taken a really, really large poop

Things that are bad/I hate:
1. Gas
2. Being put down...anywhere
3. Gas
4. Being put down...anywhere
5. Gas
6. Being put down...anywhere
7. Gas
8. Being put down...anywhere
9. Gas
10. Being put down...anywhere

Love,
Peanut

Would You Just Look at How Cute They Are: Part 8

2005-09-07T21:38:00.000-05:00

Alright, you've waited so patiently, here are the latest and greatest shots of my adorable little girls. The latest verbal advancement of The Duckling is her belting out of "Dinga Behs" (Jingle Bells) at Wal-Mart at the top of her lungs.

The entire song consists of "Dinga behs, dinga behs, dinga behs" over and over and over again.

Get ready to tell me just how darling they are. In pictures they could influence you to have another baby, but let me tell you...spending a week with them alone is a great method of birth control. I love them and all, but those middle of the night feedings will eventually be the death of me. I can read the headstone now, "Mama loved her babies, but the nightime feedings did her in (maybe)."

Guess who had rice cereal for the very first time this weekend? (I'll give you a hint, it's the one who has gas really bad after she tries ANYTHING new)

Guess who also had her very first ponytail EVER this weekend? A weekend of firsts! Here she and The Duckling share their hairsyling secrets as only sisters can.

The Duckling wishes for a jungle gym for her birthday, but until then? Daddy will have to do!

The Duckling INSISTED on holding Peanut and refused to let go! (she really is having fun despite the look on her face that might lead you to believe she smelled or touched something very nasty...I think something creepy is on Baby Einstein)

mama

It's finally that time

2005-09-05T12:14:00.000-05:00

The time to watch what we say, that is.

As Papa Duck was working on bills he wsa miffed about something (having to pay them?) and said, "Crap."

For the next 15 minutes we listened to The Duckling walk around repeating, "Crap. Crap (gales of laughter) Crap. Crap. (grinning) Crap. Crap."

Crap indeed.

Now, if she starts up with the "f" word I'm just not going to have any clue where she picked that one up. Lucky?

mama, whose mouth is so clean it could pass the health inspector's visit with flying colors

My own little Bevo

2005-09-02T08:40:00.000-05:00

Just a little taste of home for Friday.

I am LOVING the weather that we're having here though. CANNOT complain. It's been gorgeous for the last three weeks. Cool nights and morning and comfortable afternoons in the upper 70s lower 80s.

Just for the record, I still FULLY intend on whining and complaing throughout the winter about how much I hate the snow and cold and ice.

You've been warned.

mama

Because nothing says "Lets have a Poonami!" like a white dress

2005-08-31T15:36:00.000-05:00

Thankfully despite wearing a white dress (thanks Nap Queen!) we managed to keep a recent Poonami incident fairly uneventful. We also managed to not spray poo-poos across the room. I sent those pictures to Wally World this week to be printed (yes, I'm adding them to her scrapbook)...I'm sure someone somewhere is asking, "Why?"

Because it's funny and if I didn't I'd have to drink. A lot.

I'm going to attribute the minimal amount of actual poo incidents with Peanut to the bottle of formula she gets each night before bed. Kinda binds her up I think. That Boobie Juice just ain't got no substance to it (and it stains bright yellow too!!!).

mama, who enjoys a few extra hours of sleep each night after doping her baby up on formula (which in addition to binding her up also makes her sleep longer)

A few short words...

2005-08-29T10:44:00.000-05:00

This week I found my feet. They're cool. Mommy says they're cute. I can't get them into my mouth yet, but I'm gonna try that soon.

Love, Peanut

Here I am protecting, I mean SHARING, my pushy toys with my Cousin Beefcake. I can't push them both at once, but I'll be danged if he's gonna get 'em.

Love, The Duckling

Organizational Services for Your Messiest of Areas

2005-08-24T18:46:00.000-05:00

Announcing The Duckling's Organization Co-Op!

Our services are all inclusive: we make the mess, we shift the mess around in an OCD manner for awhile and then we jam everything back into the cupboards. Just the way you like. Or not, really, we don't care so long as we get to play with your goods for awhile.

Our previous experience includes working with bottled drinks...

...as well as canned and bagged goods.

We'll carefully study each colorful label and listen to the sound of the cans hit the tile floor with the best trained ears. Please contact us via Comments if you desire our rather unique and useful service.

mama & The Duckling

So innocent looking you'd hardly believe she was a raging alcoholic

2005-08-22T20:31:00.000-05:00

"Milk," The Duckling said to me with pride in her eyes.
"Yes, the baby is drinking milk," I responded while nursing Peanut this afternoon. It's amazing how she's really picking up the language and drawing conclusions, I though proudly.

At dinner tonight night I wanted Papa Duck to see how far his daugher had come linguistically.
I asked The Duckling, "Honey, what does the baby drink?"
"Beeeeeah." (Toddler Translator: beer)

Hmmmm, if only I could indeed find a way to make these suckers produce beer...what a rich, rich woman I'd be.

mama

Welcome home, Daddy!

2005-08-18T08:29:00.000-05:00

Dear Daddy,

We missed you lots while you were gone.
Peanut wore these really loud jammies to bed and couldn't sleep because she kept looking at herself.
I turned my sandbox into a caked of water and sand. I used lots of water. Lots.
Mommy slept in the middle of the bed...until Peanut had to join her because of the loud jammies.
Mostly we were really good though.
We're glad you're home.

Love,
The Duckling & Peanut

Cuisine Fit for a Bear

2005-08-16T21:06:00.000-05:00

We went to the zoo with Grandma and Grandpa on Monday.

As we got to the bear (a real live Cashew!!!) I said, "Look honey, the bear is eating carrots today!"

The Duckling, promptly responded with, "Dip!"

Because, of course, who in their right mind would eat carrots without dip?

Silly Mommy.

mama

Proud Parenting Moment #18

2005-08-15T13:35:00.000-05:00

"Oh yeah, while you guys were gone The Duckling pulled on my shirt and looked down and said, "Boobs!""
~ My Mother In Law

Fantastic.

So. Very. Proud.

mama

$50 for the lot

2005-08-12T14:25:00.000-05:00

Sugar Daddy's batting a thousand today...

1. I'm in the bathroom this morning and The Duckling wanders up to me sipping her milk. Now, we ran out of milk yesterday. Oh yes, this was YESTERDAY'S WARM CUP OF SIPPY MILK that Papa Duck was supposed to have cleaned up after bath time last night. It smelled totally ripe.

2. I'm looking out the front window with The Duckling at the neighborhood "googies" (dogs) and what does my little eye spy on the ground!??! Dip, my friends. As in tobacco. As in the dip that he only uses during hunting season. In all fairness I knew he had this tin ("But hon, it's a new flavor, I had to try it"), but leaving a trail where The Duckling could pick it up and eat it?

3. He claimed there was a third issue that I might not find before he got home to rectify it. If I had to guess...given the toilet's performance upon flushing, I'm gonna guess he clogged it last night and forgot to plunge. I'm just guessing though.

In other news, The Duckling and Peanut went downtown to meet Papa Duck for lunch and both behaved beautifully. Peanut did have a little poo-poo episode, but not a full scale poonami which might have just gotten us kicked permanantly out of the only restaurant within walking distance from Papa Duck's work that plays Willie Nelson all the time.

Happy Friday all!
mama

I'm gonna get me a cage, that's what I'm gonna do!

2005-08-11T10:10:00.001-05:00

The Duckling went to bed last night at 7 PM and woke up at 8:45 this morning. Wow. I'd almost say it was worth it for her to not take a nap during the day for that kind of overnight sleep.

Nah. I still need that midday nap to keep from killing her after she's emptied all of the snack cabinet (and started to open each box of crackeys, cereal and other goodies), sucked on each and every sippy cup lid and brought every toy she owns and placed it on Peanut's playmat.

Being that we rent and there are no knobs on our cabinets, keeping a very nosey toddler out of them is a challenge. The magnetic locks are good, but we'd have to screw them into the cabinets and I think that's a Renter's No-No.

I'm considering purchasing a cage to assist in keeping her confined while I'm feeding Peanut.

Perhaps the local zoo can help me out. Or we could use Lucky's old metal play yard.

mama, who is still optimistic that today might be a better napping day (although it is only 10:15 AM)...give us time, my friends, give us time

Way over the limit

2005-08-10T16:17:00.000-05:00

If truck drivers can only drive for 14 hours until they're considered to be too tired to function properly, I am way over the limit. I need a break. Middle of the night swaddlings and feedings prohibit me from being "off-duty."

Tell me why it is that on the days when The Duckling only takes one nap she only sleeps for one hour.

I mean, really.

Some days if she naps at 10:30 AM she can go for two hours or so, but then there is no afternoon nap.

Today:
8:00 AM- wake-up
12:40 PM- put her down for a nap
1:40 PM- up and awake...tried to leave her in the crib until 2:20...no signs of going back to sleep

Why? Why, why, why?!?!?!?!

Thankfully the whole "put them to bed early so they sleep longer thing is working."

Her new bed-time is 7 PM and she now sleeps until 8 AM whereas when she used to have an 8 PM bed-time she was up with the freakin' birds at 6:30 AM.

What do the birdies say?
"Get up Duckling! Get up!!!!"

Nope, they sure don't say chirp, chirp, chirp in our yard.

mama

Fussy McFussbuckets Smiles Again

2005-08-09T09:42:00.000-05:00

The Duckling, a/k/a Fussy Mcfussbuckets has this totally annoying habit of making the whiniest face whenever she sees the camera lately.

A perfect example of this can be seen in this self-portrait family photo we took a few weeks ago. Ain't she cute?

Yesterday I just started tossing soft foam blocks at her for pretty much no reason other than I need to let out a little aggression. She thought it was HILARIOUS. Being the genius that I am I though grabbed the camera and continued throwing and started snapping.

Just remind me that for her first day of school pictures, prom photos, weddings shots, and any other monumental occasion in her life I need to have those blocks on hand to chunk at her head to illicit her beautiful smile.

OMG! An actual real live genuine smile! The other thing she does now (when not whining and pushing you away with the camera) when you ask her to smile is gives you this cheesy smile with her eyes squeezed shut. Very attractive.

Check out the mid-air shots of these blocks (this one is just behind her....it's black and white)!

Oh! The anticipation of the block hitting me! Bwwwwahahahahah! Teee heee!

Seriously, toddlers are their own little creatures (beasts?). Everyone makes a fuss over teenagers, but I think toddlers are just as much of a mystery.

mama duck

Lookit my new trick!

2005-08-07T15:41:00.000-05:00

Are you watching?

Here I go...

TAH-DAH!!! I can roll over all by my big self!!!!

Which leads Mama to her question of the day, "How big is Peanut?"
Soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo big.

In the Continuing Adventures of Cashew Bear...

2005-08-04T21:16:00.000-05:00

“Oh shit! Oh no!”

Silence.

“Is everything alright up there? Are you OK?” I called to Papa Duck who was bathing The Duckling, my index finger on the “9” of the phone pad just ready to call emergency services. Did she slip? Is she underwater? For how many seconds?

“Umm, yeah we’re fine, but he’s not,” Papa answered as a blur went through my field of vision followed by a thud that resounded on the first floor.

Tossed from the baclony above, a very wet, very limp but very clean Cashew landed in the playroom.

Apparently in the seven seconds that it took for Papa Duck to turn around and put the diaper into the Diaper Champ, The Duckling had grabbed Cashew off of where he had been perched on the toilet, positioned him in her lap and began dumping water on his head to “wash his hair.”

Needless to say he was in need of a little more than a towel-drying.

Happy Friday all, enjoy the weekend!

Cheers-

Mama Duck

It's Time Again...Just Look at Them!!!!

2005-08-03T21:05:00.000-05:00

Yup, every now and then I return to the Texas Ducks roots and have to just showcase how beautiful the children who sprung (more like were shoved out screaming and kicking!) from my loins are.

I'm a complete techno-doofus and can't get my pictures to line up nicely with the Blogger pics and I was too lazy to use Hello, so the captions and photos are a bit skewed...sorry. Think of it as a brainteaser....which text corresponds to which illustration? Update: On second thought, think of it as completely scrambled photos, I notice that NOTHING is lining up like it does in the "draft" phase.

Check out The Duckling who felt the need to lay out every....single...one...of...her dolls on Peanut's playmat.

Look at those eyes! I swear, every time I look at her Big Blues I think, "Whose baby is this and are they going to want to steal her back?" I hope not!

(above) Here you'll see The Duckling. Her newest and most annoying thing is that she'll do something TOTALLY cute and then the second she sees the camera she turns into a whining mess. We have a BOATLOAD of pictures with this same sneer and arm reach. Can't wait to see her wedding pictures.

(right) This is Peanut while she's "sleeping." You'll notice she is indeed in her bassinet (woohoo...only one night so far!) but once she got wind that I was going to nap in her "old bed" she was all about wanting to know what I was doing. I swear, she's the happiest (and gassiest) baby in the world, just keep that Fart Medicine (a/k/a Mylicon) nearby!

Rainy Days and Mondays and Forgetting What You Love Always Gets Me Down

2005-08-02T19:58:00.000-05:00

Back home we had this little dog that lived next door to us. His name was Apollo and The Duckling loved him with all of her being. The two of them would spend hours looking at each other through our sliding glass door. I used to slip him turkey lunch meat, leftover chicken and an occasional piece of grilled steak. He was the best pet ever because we could play with him all day long but our neighbors, his owners, had to foot the vet bill.

Anyway, I've feared that The Duckling doesn't recall many things about home, namely our house, the horses, chickens and now, Apollo.

I've asked her many time since we've moved, "What did Apollo say?"

Mainly I get these blank stares instead of the "Woof woof" that I would hope for.

Today I asked the same question.

"Arghhhh."

"Apollo was a doggie, remember? What did he say?"

"Beep."

That's our universal sound for a car, microwave, coffee pot and oven.

Not a dog.

My heart aches that she doesn't remember feeding the horses and chickens. That she can't recall the house she was brought home to, and learned to crawl and walk in. I know most of us don't have memories as adults of being one-year old, but we've only been gone eight months.

Eight months is apparently an eternity to a 21 month-old.

Proud Parenting Moment #17

2005-08-01T21:03:00.000-05:00

The first 16 Proud Parenting Moments of my daughters’ lives have been filled with milestones such as first smile, rolling over, and walking. There have also been some other intentional (The Duckling’s ability to con the guys at her uncle’s engagement party to walk her around and around the yard in her stroller) and unintentional (Peanut’s 108 inch poonami being shot across my bedroom).

Proud Parenting Moment #17 though is named with dripping sarcasm and explained with an equal amount of shame.

As we waited for the Notary to sign our documents pertaining to the sale of our home I took The Duckling to look at the mortgage promotional items on top of the tellers’ desks.

“What’s this?”

“Doggie. Woof woof.” The Duckling said smiling at the stuffed dalmation with a t-shirt
bearing the bank’s logo.

Knowing she wouldn’t be able to identify the Coca-Cola bottle (what kind of lame promo item is that? Do you get that if your mortgage is on a single-wide? Not that a stuffed dog is much better…), I asked her “What color is this?” while pointing to the famous red label.

“Beer.”

In front of the tellers.

All this hard work to avoid sugary sweets yet she can name alcoholic beverages?

You didn’t really think that hard cider in the diaper bag was for me, did you?

That’s my girl. Little Boozer.

Stuff Portrait Friday: Boudoir Style

2005-07-28T21:07:00.001-05:00

It's Stuff Portrait Friday again and this week is right up my alley. All about the bedroom! Since I'm a SAHM you know I'm either watching soaps eating bon-bons or I'm taking a nap. I'm certainly not doing housework, a fact that anyone who has visited me recently can attest to.

Thanks to Kristine we have a fantastic list of bedroom and sleep related shots. As always, comment, play and let us know you played so we can check out your goods!

Photo #1: Your bed: Well, it's not the whole bed, but this is Peanut and I sleeping in it...sort of. As you can see we went back to swaddling (two nights without was all I could stand and I can't stands no more!!!), but by morning she breaks free and I'm too damn tired to wrap her back up. You can almost see the sense of pride in her outstretched arms, "Free at last, free at last, thank God almighty I broke free at last!!!"

Photo #2: Favorite Dresser: Alright, it's not really a dresser, but I love this amoire. If you ever come to visit you can bet that Papa Duck will try to sell it to you or worse, just give it to you. I picked this up at an English auction back in Houston awhile ago...$110 I think it was. Heck, even Target can't beat that for solid wood!

Photo #3: Favorite Jammies: Well, my favorite jammies are...well, umm, er, dad, stop reading...(whispers) my birthday suit. I simply don't know how people sleep with clothes on because whenever I try I get all twisted up in the bedsheets. I'm just not terribly good at it I guess. Anyway, this is my favorite lounge-around item. It's actually a dress from Victoria's Secret that I thought the movers had lost. I found it last week in a box on the back porch. All is good and right in the lounging world of Mama Duck again.

I'm not dead just very, very sleep deprived

2005-07-27T19:23:00.000-05:00

The good news is that The Duckling apparently didn't have a virus, just ate a little something that didn't agree with her. I"m quite thankful for that as I have enough poop to deal with on a normal day without some nasty tummy-bug sending oodles of it my way just for "shits and giggles" (pardon the pun and rather colorful language).

Just a bit of a warning, I'm cranky/ornery/a crabass whatever you want to call it this week. My weight, my wardrobe, the color of our grass, whatever...I'm bitching about it.

We (I) decided that we probably need to put an end to the swaddling with Peanut now so it doesn't become a crutch for falling asleep. This is not going well. When she's not swaddled she's kicking, swatting her hands, twisting, writhing, turning...you name it...pretty much ANYTHING but lying still sleeping. All of this motion of course wakes her (and us) up. Then she wants her Pootie. She gets it in her mouth and starts swatting at it, thus flicking it out of her mouth. I stick it back in. Begin vicious cycle again.

Did I mention that we co-sleep? Yup. It was never really on my "Life Plan" to co-sleep, but it became apparent that this was they key to a good night's sleep when she was born. We've been "temporarily" co-sleeping for three of her three and a half months of life. It's fun. Anyway, most of the night I can hear Papa Duck say, "Grab a hand!" meaning...we each take one of Peanut's hands and hold them down so she can't flail around. Kind of like a personal baby straight jacket.

Positive things: It has been beautiful here this week (upper 70s, lower 80s); it rained...a lot; everyone is healthy

As for the photo...that would be an alcoholic beverage in our diaper bag...no well-stocked diaper bag is complete without one!!! :)

Improv Night at The Duck House

2005-07-25T22:07:00.000-05:00

"Alright, I got it. 'Blogette'...is it a cheerleader for blogging or a gum to fight the blogging addiction?" Papa Duck says cracking himself up and almost unable to get out the would-be punchline.

"One more time honey. You're not funny, you're an accountant."

The Duckling begs for the bad stand-up to stop while Peanut's sense of humor isn't finely enough tuned to realize what a bad joke it was.

(Check out that crazy, wild, wacky hair on Peanut. I need some mousse or hairspray or gel or something)

She's Gonna Blow!

2005-07-25T12:25:00.000-05:00

Holy damn.

I think we're revisiting the days of Amazing Grace, The Poop and The Puke. So far I've only got poop to report.

Am praying for no puke.

It started last night and we're down to water and peas.

God bless her little heart and heinie.

I heard that once you've had Roto Virus it shouldn't be as severe in the future.

I think I'm just going to have Peanut live in the car for the rest of the week. It's clean and germ-free.

Uff da!
(seeeee?!!??! I knew buying that Packers shirt was NOT a good idea!)

Weekend Update: Just for the Grandparents

2005-07-24T09:06:00.000-05:00

Getting back to our roots for the day, here are scads of photos of my cute, adorable kids for the grandparents to ogle. We've had a busy and fun, yet rather unproductive weekend.

Our weekend started Thursday night since Papa Duck took work off on Friday. Here'e Peanut and me snuggling on the floor. She's such a sweet, well-tempered baby compared to her crabass of an older sister who was just a grump until about four months and even then (and now) she's kind of moody. Wonder where she gets that from, Daddy?

Friday we went to the Dane County Fair to check out the animals. Here are The Duckling and Papa Duck in front of a bovine with a rather unfortunate outlook for the future. I enjoy my filet mignon and chicken sandwiches just as much as the next red-blooded American, but I can't help but cry when I see these big cute cows and their pretty brown eyes and think about how they're gonna get whacked just so I can have my steak and eat it too.

To my cousin D: Say hello to the cute adorable little piggy that your place of employment purchased. I'm assuming there's an employee pig-roast? In the event that you can't see it, these little piggies are named "Duck" and "Chicken."

And the archangels sang! There at the Dane County Fair was Target!!!! These lovely ladies were kind enough to humor me and chat about my Target addiction for awhile. (shhhhhh) They even slipped us a bunch of Target logo goods including binoculars, a calculator and some writing utensils even though we didn't sign up for a Target Red Card (we have a card that feeds all the money I blow at Target directly into the girls' college fund...so really, when I'm shopping at The Big Red Bullseye, I'm funding their tuition, they can thank me later)

Saturday we enjoyed a fabulous meal over at Jennifer's place. Here are her son, Logan, and The Duckling hanging out. This was a photo that had to be shot VERY quickly.

Here are Peanut and Miles chillin' on the floor. LOOK AT HIS THIGHS! I LOVE 'em!! He's such a cutie-pa-tootie!!

Stuff Portrait Friday: Someone's in the kitchen with Mama

2005-07-21T19:50:00.000-05:00

Tah-dah! I made it to another Friday and seem to have most of my sanity left. And that my friends, is all I can hope for these days.

Being it's Friday and all, that means it's time for Stuff Portrait Friday which, as always, is brought to us by that California Cutie, Kristine. Check out my stuff, let me know if you played, you should play and you should stop by Kristine's. Yadda yadda yadda.

Photo #1: Favorite Appliance: Seeing as I don't live in my beautiful homestead in Austin anymore this is the best picture I have on hand to show my totally awesome top-loading fridge. If you don't have one of these go get one. Now. It's great b/c the fridge is on top and you don't have to break your back everytime you need the baby carrots or have to see where the leftover beef stew has gotten off to. BTW, the fridge is over on the far right-hand side of the picture. I miss my house.

Photo #2: A food that you always have in your kitchen: Yup...Oreos. The fifth food group. The bottom of the food pyramid. A must have. Coincidentally, I included my favorite appliance in our current house too...the dishwasher. I hate washing dishes.

Photo #3: Your meal speciality: As most of you know I've been making a really good effort to learn to cook since January. Those freakin' cookies aside, all things are going well. My signature dishes would have to be spinach lasagne or spaghetti pie, but I wasn't making those this week so here we have Parmesean Crusted Chicken with Vegetable Angel Hair Pasta. It was my first time making both of them and they were darn good if I may pat myself on the back.

Deviating from the norm

2005-07-20T21:43:00.000-05:00

So I'm working on some personal growth. Primarily venturing out from the friendly and comfortable confines of Target. Alright, not really. I had to return a shirt for Papa Duck to Marshalls.

Anyway, while I was waiting at the cashier's station this woman behind me asks, "Excuse me, do you know how to get to..."

Now at this point I'm already saying (in my head of course), "Ummmm, no. I can't find my way out of a paper sack in this city and that odds that I can get you to anywhere from this store, which is NOT my "starting point" for any Yahoo! map I've ever run, are so slim that you'd have better luck playing the lottery."

"...Target?" she finishes.

My God! This woman must have sensed my deep and undying devotion for the Great Red Bullseye.

"Why yes, I do. You simply turn left..." and I'll spare you the rest of the details because unless you're planning a trip from Marshalls to Target in Madison anytime soon the directions will just clutter your brain.

Now, lookie what I bought at Marshalls.

Uh yeah. I'm just trying to blend in with the locals. Also I was drawn to the glitter (there's glitter on the big "G") and clearance price tag. But really, check me out. You won't be able to tell me from a real live Wisconsinite soon. Next thing you know I'll be saying things like "Uff da" and trying to cook sauerkraut and the like.

Also, I'd like to mention that I was VERY tempted to buy another shirt at Marshalls because I know that you won't believe this. It was a Chicago Bears turtleneck that was reduced to $1! Now, actually, this is pretty believable as I think they still lynch folks up here for wearing Bears and Vikings stuff, so who in their right mind would risk that just for the warmth of a cheap turtleneck? Priorities man.

White Trash Day at the Country Club

2005-07-20T07:52:00.000-05:00

Presumably because they got tired of us lowly commoners sticking our noses through the fence and asking, "Can we play? Huh? Can we?" the country club in our neighborhood allows us thugs to come play in their pool on Sunday mornings and Tuesday afternoons. Immediately after we leave they drain, disinfect, repaint and then refill the pool with clear, blueblood-type water.

Anyway we took a walk to the pool last night to give The Duckling a bit of a look at how the other half live. As we were walking up the hill in the parking lot (me wearing my infamous "Where the Wild Things Are" Make Mischief shirt we passed a club member who was no doubetdly slapping her sweating brow and declaring, "Oh my God! This place has gone to the heathens!!"

In a move I will very likely end up regretting I'm posting some shots of us in the pool. Yup, that's fair warning that there's bikini shots here. The bathing suit I bought for my backyard made it's public appearance last night and damn was it scary.

Enjoy and please don't laugh so much as you're making me feel bad.

Wait, no, you're not, but still, it's not nice.

One silent burrito to go please.

2005-07-18T11:18:00.000-05:00

So, I'm wondering how much longer this whole swaddling thing will work.

Peanut's three months old and starting to get a bit strong and able to push her way out of the blanket quite easily. Perhaps duct taping her arms down is the next step? When we leave her hands free she flails about like madman in an imaginary swarm of bees. Not conducive to sleeping at all.

I know a lot of people say, "Oh my baby wouldn't put up with swaddling the minute we left the hospital." Persistence, the right blanket and a tight wrap, my friends. Once they get used to it, it's all they know and they feel all snuggly and drift right off. The nurses up here showed up a great method to wrap and it's been fantastic!

I'm afraid this trick won't work for much longer though.

(sighing and frantically searching for duct tape)

Eat my shorts, Pottery Barn!!!!

2005-07-18T10:38:00.000-05:00

If you’ve been reading this site for any amount of time you have certainly gotten a pretty clear picture that I am ~~cheap~~ frugal. I have an allowance (and yes, thank you very much, I do my chores and am a good little girl around the house) and have to stretch it as far as it will go. A lot like a rubber band or my patience by Friday afternoons.

This would not be a problem if I didn’t have such darned good taste. I can go anywhere and know NOTHING about the items I’m looking at and chose the most expensive selection. Windows, screws, drill bits, shoes, you name it. I’m just that good. Sugar Daddy is probably just THRILLED that we’re going to get to build a house together…

Well, over the past 21 months of The Duckling’s life (as well as the three years of Lucky’s life with Papa Duck) our ottoman has come to look like something that has been abused by a greasy-fingered-drooling toddler and a naughty whizzing rabbit. I’ve cleaned it, scrubbed it, you name it, but it looks pretty bad.

So I looked to Pottery Barn for a slipcover to make it look fresh again. Those thieving bastards wanted $250 JUST for the slipcover. Granted it’s a very nice slipcover, but no way.

I couldn’t bring myself to waste that kind of money on denim, thread and piping cord.

So I made one.

It’s not perfect, but for the $20 I spent to make it I’ll take that it’s not a tailored fit. And to those people (who are very nice at the 1-800 line) at Pottery Barn, I say, “Eat my shorts!!!!!”

Stuff Portrait Friday: Flashback Friday...1980s

2005-07-14T19:16:00.000-05:00

Oh lovely. We all survive the '80s and then Kristine and VH1 think we need to relive it. Fine.

For those of you who are just joining us or who have just crawled out from under some rather large rock, here's the story. Kristine thinks up a scavanger hunt of sorts and as faithful cult members we run around chanting while trying to complete our task (taking the requested photos and posting them). This week was an '80s theme.

Photo 1: A picture of you (me) in the '80s: Be jealous, be very jealous. You could only wish to have such a big 'fro on your head. Perms and me...not a good mix. This is my mother's cat, Thumper, who HATED me. With good reason as I make him get his picture taken whilst nearly choking the poor dear. Additionally I'm all stylish in my Outback Red skirt and Forenza shirt and all he gets to wear is the same coat he wears everyday.

Photo 2: Something from the '80s that you can't get rid of: It's not so much that I CAN'T get rid of it, I just haven't. And now that The Duckling has taken over ownership he is sure to hang around our house for many years to come. Remember how our parents stood in line for DAYS to get these things for us? The least I can do is hold onto it until his little plastic face disintigrates.

Photo 3: A CD or movie from the '80s: A few words...I think Tom Cruise is an a$$hole as of late, but I still like the volleyball scene. "You'll shoot your eye out kid!" and who didn't want to be just like Molly Ringwald and apply their lipstick with their cleavage?

There. Let us never speak of this decade again unless it's in therapy.

To the rather loud voice interrupting my meal...

2005-07-12T22:30:00.000-05:00

As I was playing Human Milk Factory to Peanut last night, Papa Duck and I started a conversation. Suddenly her little lips quivered, forehead wrinkled and a loud cry came forth from my tiny Peanut.

She seemed to be saying, "Why oh why does that damn head that's attached to my boob insist on ruining my pleasurable dining experiences?"

I honestly think that this is how she sees me.

A great big boob with a head and arms. I'm not even sure that she's aware that I have legs as they really don't provide any sort of up-front gratification for her.

"I'm just a boob, yes, I'm only a boob and I'm meant to be a fee-e-ding tube..." (you can sing this to the tune of "I'm Just a Bill" from Schoolhouse Rock)

"Big enough for a queen but made for a king..."

2005-07-12T14:19:00.000-05:00

Ummmmm, can you put a king-sized comforter on a queen-sized bed without it looking totally moronic?

The down comforter I bought yesterday was a full/queen. I'm not sure how you can make anything to fit both because I've slept on each of them and they're nowhere near the same size. Hence, when I put the comforter on to check it out...not a whole lot of hangover (I think that's the term...you know what I mean, material that hangs over...not puke) on the sides.

Anyway, I think I'm going to exchange it for a king since they're the same price.

Papa Duck has a habit of grabbing a wad of blanket and tucking it between his knees as he sleeps. He doesn't like for his sweaty knees to touch each other. This little oddity prevents me from yanking the amount of blanket I need to keep warm. You can see how this might be a problem. We had a quilt like this before, made for a full/queen, and there was a constant tug-of-war going on in bed.

Thoughts?

Monday on Film: Busy

2005-07-11T19:19:00.000-05:00

Well, it's late in the day on Monday. We had a full day and I was feeling energetic and motivated to get some stuff done. Here's what we've been up to.

We started off the day with a walk before it got too hot. It was a great 25 minutes of pure exercise where I could feel the fat on my thighs rubbing together while it was melting away from the physical exertion and outdoor heat.

Peanut was in a really good mood when we came home and smiled and The Duckling and I a lot. I guess it was her way of saying she forgave me for eating all the spices and bad stuff I did this weekend that has given her the worst case of gas I've ever heard. And for the record, I've heard some pretty impressive farts in my time.

After nap time we went swimming in our splashy pool. Alright, we didn't. This picture was from this weekend, but that motherly pride thing that all Mommies have made me post this. Good lord! Look at her! Toooooooo cute in her little duckie swimsuit lounging in the sun with her drinkie-poo. A girl after her mommy's heart.

In the afternoon we had to run to the doctor's to check out some spots on The Duckling's leg. No one told me that they narrowed the left turn lanes down to a single lane. We left the house on time, even with time to spare...but we were still late.

I've come to the sad conclusion that I will have to wait another two years for my king-sized bed. Based on my calculations with our financial obligations (read: building a house) I will be sleeping in my queen for a bit longer. Therefore I felt the need to ease my pain by indulging in a down comforter from Linens and Things this afternoon (reg. $50, sale $30 + 20% off coupon= $24). I also got some wicked awesome thongs (not THAT kind and not the kind you wear on your feet...come to think of it, I think they're spelled "tongs" but I like "thongs" better) for good measure on my Retail Therapy trip.

Stuff Portrait Friday: Some things to look at and one to piss me off

2005-07-08T16:07:00.000-05:00

It's that time of the week again. Kristine had some interesting selections this week! Go check her site out and tell her I sent ya! You should play along if you aren't already. It's really quite fun and besides, what else have you got to do today? It's Friday for crying out loud. It's not like you're REALLY working anyway.

Photo No.1: Favorite framed picture Honeymoon. On a boat. Somewhere near Mexico. No kids. Well, not entirely true. There was a "stow away" that we didn't know about. It's a self-portrait (as are most of our pictures). What a fabulous vacation. We had just come from climbing Mayan ruins and we were about to go get drunk on cerveza (yeah, yeah...it only takes me one...) and eat some nachos in Cozumel.

Seems like a lifetime ago.

Photo No. 2: Magazine subcriptions Yup, there's six of 'em. Some intellectual, some smut. Mostly not read. I had this wild hare that once I became the Human Milk Factory again I would have all this time to read while I was nursing. Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight. Someone I know was smoking crack when she thought she's have MORE free-time with two kids.

Photo No. 3: Household Pet Peeve If I don't unlock the four locks on the highchair's casters seventeen times a day, it simply hasn't been a day. The Duckling LOVES to hear the click when she locks them. I hate hearing the screaching as I drag the locked wheels across the tile.

Because I'm creating the world's biggest back-up CDs and have nothing better to do while I wait...

2005-07-07T20:21:00.001-05:00

Me and my ducklings on a recent trip to the park...and I am PERFECTLY aware that grammatically it should be "My ducklings and I" but I'm bucking the system tonight.

The Duckling shows no fear as she masters her newly acquired skill of climbing the stairs and going down the slide all by her big self.

Mama feeling a little lonely as The Duckling plays on her own and Peanut does what she always does. Yes, that would be a turtleneck AND sweater in July...it was a tad chilly that morning.

Peanut enjoying her time at the park. She had just gotten out of the sandbox and was taking a break before hitting the slide. She's a busy girl...

Me!!! She likes me!!! Mommy, not Daddy! Me!

2005-07-06T19:14:00.000-05:00

It happened tonight. She turned on Papa Duck. The daughter that I ruined my perfectly good size 2 body for. The one that I sacrificed style for as I donned maternity wear. The one that I endured morning sickness, labor and cracked nipples for. She liked me tonight.

The Duckling is a total Daddy's Girl. No room for argument there. It's a fact. If you saw her give me the Heisman at her great grandfather's funeral when Papa handed her off to me to do his reading or the complete fit she threw every time I tried to hold her at her Baptism, you'd know what I mean.

Today we bought her a big girl booster seat to eat her meals in.

SHE LOVES IT AND WANTS NOTHING MORE THAN TO SIT IN IT ALLLLLLLLL DAY LONG.

When Daddy finally took her out of the seat screaming and crying after dinner she shunned him.

"Up," she begged of me through her tear streamed cheeks.

I ATE it up!!!! "Oh honey, what did that mean Daddy do to you?"

"Bwwwwwaaaahahahahahah!" a sinister laugh growled from the depths of my soul.

She wouldn't let Daddy hold her, read to her, sit by her, look at her, touch her, put her sandals on, show her his tomato plants...nothing. Daddy was the bastard who ripped her from her true love. The booster seat.

I know that I'll be the Evil Mama tomorrow morning as I pull her from her beloved after breakfast, but I don't care.

For now, I'm her favorite.

Nahnee nahnee boo boo!!!

Mama (The Duckling's Favorite) Duck

Lost in translation

2005-07-05T16:25:00.000-05:00

The Duckling looked at me and said, "Poop. Poop. Poop. Poop."

"Do you have poop, honey?"

Nods head.

I do the disgusting Mommy Sniff.

(Stop gagging, you've done it too)

Lifted her up, sniffed. No poop. Opened the diaper and smelled. No poop.

"I don't think so, babe."

Grunt. Grunt. Grunt.

"Ahhh, it's not that you HAVE poop, you HAD TO poop."

Time to start thinking about using the potty training potty as more than just a bath for the dolls.

Monday on Film: 4th of July Maple Bluff Style

2005-07-04T11:57:00.000-05:00

This morning was the annual Maple Bluff 4th of July Parade, a sight not to be behold indeed. My neighbor, P, likened the unbelievable gathering of folks to a gay-pride parade, but with families. Lots of color, lots of streamers and hats and of course...THE WIENERMOBILE!!!

The Duckling and I cheese for the camera before the parade starts. Only in Wisconsin, my friends. Papa Duck was informed that this is the 2004 model, the newest one in the Oscar Mayer fleet. It comes complete with a sun roof and red and yellow leather interior.

Think this is a rinky-dink operation? Think again...throngs of people flock to walk the parade!

Those who are too lazy or too hungover simply tailgate (using a Nissan Murano...no pick-up trucks this side of the Mason-Dixon!) and watch the spectacle...drinking mimosas and munching on muffins of course!

The Duckling was a bit afraid of the fire trucks' sirens, but a nice fireman (DOWN LUCKY, DOWN!!) came over especially to give her some candy which eased her pain.

God, this is the pinnacle of the event...an "I Saw It!" sitcker from the Wienermobile folks. Unlike a Bigfoot sighting, you actually get a sticker to memorialize the sighting of such a behemoth tube steak. For the record, I like saying wiener...wiener, wiener, wiener...

As usual, Peanut is right in the middle of the action...totally passed out.

Happy 4th all! Enjoy the day!

To My Loyal Readers

2005-07-03T09:33:00.000-05:00

According to the recent results of my "Dog's View on Life" poll, this is what most of my readers would like like if they were born as canines.

An overwhelming 39% of you said that you saw life as a Golden Retriever does in that you believe life is beautiful and the glass (or in this case, the bottle) is always half-full! Ya happy bunch of sots!!!

29% adopted the Lab's view (It's a new day! I hope I meet someone new! ...a/k/a "Throw the ball, throw the ball, throw the ball!!!!")
16% adopted the Poodle's view (It's all about me and how I look, baby!)
13% adopted the Grey's view (Chasing dreams and aiming for success!)
3% adopted the Rott's view (Let nothing stand in my way!!)

Thanks for voting and as always these polls are scientifically monitored and analyzed.

A new poll will be posted soon and suggestions for new poll topics always welcome!

Stuff Portrait Friday: Home Sweet Home, a place to put your feet up and stash the stuff you stole from your ex

2005-07-01T12:01:00.000-05:00

Welcome to another installation of Stuff Portrait Friday, a witty little ditty brought to us by Kristine. This is the game where she tells us what to collect via photo and you get to know everyone just a little bit better. In some cases, you get to know everyone just a little bit better than you wanted to, but this week, not the case.

Feel free to check to visit Kristine and if you chose to play let her know! The more the merrier!

Photo #1: Your Keys: Well, here they are in all their glory. Keys to my house, my parents house, my in-laws house and one random little key that I suspect might just open a shed at our first house in Austin. Additionally there are savers cards to Petsmart (for my dead bunny, Lucky), Albertson's and Randall's (groceries back in TX b/c you just never know when you'll need them) and ONE savers card for Copp's. That's the grocery store here, so it would be the only usable card except I don't do the shopping anymore.

Photo #2: Your view from the front door: Welcome home! Kind of lacks paint and some artwork, but when you're renting you're limited to what you can decorate...(sigh)

Photo #3: Something you kept from a previous relationship: Hee hee...I like diamonds. Now don't go feeling all bad for the ex...he got a fabulously redecorated home (read: all new paint, window treatments and wood and tile flooring) with a stained hot tub. I should make up a shirt that says, "I went through the Big D and all I got was this lousy diamond ring."

Update: I feel obligated to add the fact that my ex and I left on good terms. He's actually a really great guy, but just like you best friend's hubby is great for her but not for you we just weren't the best match. I'd set him up with a friend if I thought they were a good pair. I am a bit sad that he still has our bunny, George, who is still alive and that the bunny I took (yes, we each got one) is now in Bunny Heaven. As to the house, yeah, it's appreciated in value by like $30K which sucks for me, but that's a story for another day.

Because I am fresh out of witty thoughts and big words

2005-06-30T14:53:00.000-05:00

Today I will just resort to stealing someone else's idea and posting pictures of my adorable offspring. It's too hot too think and The Duckling is hollering, singing, screaching and talking (pretty much anything and everything BUT sleeping) from her crib which throws off any ability that I once had to concentrate.

Completely nicked from Meritt:

I'm: thankful for the adult interaction and yummy salad that I had this morning at Jennifer’s (whom as I can see is damn efficient at posting!!!).
I want to: drink a nice, cold beer.
I should be: drying the laundry and hanging it up.
I'm wearing: Pink Panther undies and my bra (gimme a break, I just woke up from a 5 minute nap with Peanut).
I'm sitting: on my old, busted to crap English chair that hurts my back.
I'm thinking: that I could really use some ice water.
I'm feeling: like liposuction might be a viable option to get rid of my post-pregnancy thighs.
I'm wishing: the magical Fat and Cellulite Removal Fairy will visit me tonight in my sleep.
I'm longing: to be back home in Austin.
I'm wondering: why my girls are torturing me by refusing nap-time.

Here we are resorting to taking self-portraits. Hey, it's cheaper than Sears and you don't run the risk of Poonami's happening in public.

OK, now we're going to the beach to cool off.

Later gators!

It's moments like this when I can barely control myself and humbly thank our ancestors for breaking free from England

2005-06-29T12:01:00.000-05:00

So we have this quaint little 4th of July parade in our neighborhood where the kids are to dress in their patriotric best and decorate their bikes, strollers, etc. in red, white and blue. It's a nice way to bring the community together and remember that if it weren't for our forefathers we could still be saying things like "bonnet" for the hood of the car and eating stuff like Bangers & Mash and Steak and Kidney Pudding.

This gave me an excellent excuse to visit my favorite vice. Target. I needed streamers or flags or hats of something, didn't I?

As Peanut and I perused the aisles of Target I began to get a warm tingly sensation. Where had all the summer stuff gone? Then I saw it in front of me. Taunting me in an inviting gesture.

"Mama Duck, come and see what we have to offer! We're ALL on clearance! 30% off! You NEED us!" they beckoned.

Damn retail merchandise and their evil magical powers, I thought as I felt my body being tugged by a strong force not unlike gravity toward the pretty red "30% Reduced" signs.

Cute kids' chairs! Didn't I need these for the girls? Adorable throw pillows in a refreshing madras seersucker material! Wouldn't those be fabulous on our couches during the summer months? Dishes, cups and serving platters! O My!

I felt a lot like Rebecca Bloomwood from Sophie Kinsella's Shopaholic books. Certain that I needed each and every item that my fingers caressed.

I managed to show some restraint. I am hosting a family gathering next month and being a recovering basketaholic I had a breakdown, a relapse if you will. I found these adorable baskets (reinforced with metal frames!) with a totally cute striped liner and a covered baking dish (perfect for brownies and Pumpkin Crunch!). Each was about $7.

Now Meritt, before you go and say that's not deep enough of a discount, let me tell you about my luck. If I were to wait for these to go on further clearance, something would come up and I wouldn't be able to make it back to Mecca that week and alas, they wouldn't be mine. I wouldn't be able to hear my guests proclaim, "Mama, how cute and accessorized your buns and chips are in these gorgeous baskets!" I would mourn deeply. Now that I've read your post for today I wonder if I shouldn't go back for a matching platter to serve the ham on?!?! Wouldn't that have made it all the more appealing?

BTW, didn't get any flags, streamers or decorations for the parade. Will have to check in my crafting stuff to see what I can put together.

And if we were still under English rule do you think we'd have anything as cool as Target? No. We'd have to shop at Harrod's and they JUST cannot complete with the rotation of stock and cute baskets that the fine folks at Target/Fields can. Period.

2005-06-28T17:01:00.000-05:00

Must. Tear. Self. Away. From. Blogging.

Must. Start. Dinner.

The counting system of Enron and the likes

2005-06-28T16:10:00.000-05:00

So, Papa Duck who SWEARS he is funny (to which I ALWAYS reply, "Honey, you're not funny, you're an accountant.") came up with a funny today.

Here are some things you need to know:
1. Apparently Haloscan is having difficulty counting the comments from yesterday. It keeps saying that there's one comment (although, for awhile it said there were three, but who's counting? and who's counting well?)

2. Whevever The Duckling counts she counts, "two, two, two, two"...all numbers are two. Period.

Papa Duck says in an e-mail, "P.S. I thought I’d mention that your blog from yesterday counts like The Duckling does. Regardless of how many people add comments the counter continues to say three, three, three, three……."

Not roll on the floor, wet your pants hysterical, but kinda cute funny.

Monday on Film: Walk a mile in our shoes...

2005-06-27T11:13:00.000-05:00

Thought I was gone forever, didn't ya? Nope, just MIA for a bit, but I'm back now!

Once again it is time for Monday on Film...the day where I recover from the weekend and show the world what we've been up to using my little digi camera. Today I'm taking you along on our morning walk. Actually, I notice that instead of being a "daily morning walk" it's actually like a "Monday morning walk" as every week when Tuesday and the rest of the days roll around, I'm too doggone lazy/tired/hot to leave the house.

That aside, let's get started.

This is my favorite house in our neighborhood. It's on the water and brand new (most of our neighborhood was built in the 1920s-1930s). The little house type thing you see in the foreground is actually their drive through garage...I'm not sure of it's actual purpose, but it's cute and probably cost a pretty penny. The house itself is fabulous and looks like a great place to host parties.

We usually walk for 20-25 minutes and then arrive at the beach for some play time. Since it's early when we get here we almost always have the place all to ourselves which is very nice. Just enjoying the serenity of the water lapping at the shore and The Duckling screaming like a banshee whilst digging in the sand.

The lifeguards show up at 11 AM to sweep away the seaweed...long after we've gone and The Duckling is in her crib quietly napping. Or as luck would have it today, she was playing in her crib getting her leg stuck between the slats requiring vaseline and a cold cloth to assist in the removal of her knee from the wooden prison. A process not done without a lot of boo-hooing on the parts of both Duckling and Mama.

It's kind of a ghostly shot because our air quality is really sucky today, but you can see the skyline of the city across the lake. This morning the smell of dead fish, seaweed and some sort of rotting carcas was in the air. Maybe the humidity made the odors linger in the air longer? Dunno, but it was kind of rank this morning.

The Duckling and Mama Duck share a tender moment on the beach...seconds later she broke from the hand holding to play in a stagnant puddle of water on a concrete slab from the sprinklers. All the sand on the beach, all the water in the lake and that's what she finds appealing.

Finally we arrive back where we started. The big, white barn. In addition to having what could arguably be the world's worst ventilation system, scariest death trap of a balcony and toilets that frequently strike, the exterior is quite lacking in...ummmm, let's just say it's aesthetically challenged. We finally have functioning air conditioning, and that my friend, is a very, very good thing.

Happy Monday all!

Stuff Portrait Friday...Something old, something new, something stolen, some crappy gift...

2005-06-23T20:30:00.000-05:00

Ya know what? I think I have more fun thinking of my titles for Stuff Portrait Friday than I do taking the pictures sometimes. Looks at the sheer genius this week...the wedding saying thingy about "Something old, something new" yadda yadda yadda.

Alright, back to the task at hand.

As always, the agenda for Stuff Portrait Friday is posted by the lovely and talented Kristine at Random and Odd. Go check her out and play along if you like! It's quite fun! Tell her I sent ya, it'll make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

Here's the scoop for the week...

Photos #1: Something stolen (or borrowed and not returned)

Alright, alright, you caught me red-handed. I stole this book from my mom YEARS ago. It's a little known book from the 1960s and it's fabulously hilarious. So much so that I read it EVERY year during the holidays. I'll spare you the details, but check it out...The Joyous Season by Patrick Dennis. It was recently put back into print because of the junkies like me and yes, I did buy my mother a hard-bound copy of it that's all shiny and new and not beat to crap like this one.

Photo #2: Unopened (or unused)present you forgot to return

Alright, here's the scoop. I didn't have anything that fit this category so I took a picture of this awesome purse that my sister-in-law gave me for Christmas. Why? Well because it was a gift and I haven't used it yet, so it met two out of the three criteria and I thought that was good enough. And the reason I haven't used it? It's one of those totally cute hold it in your hand purses...my hands are FULL with The Duckling and Peanut right now...I hope to use it soon when I can escape from them for a weekend on my own!

Photo #3: your perfume

I go back and forth...Rapture by Victoria's Secret and Beautiful by Estee Lauder. But honestly, I haven't worn either in ages. Mostly I'm wearing Eau de Whatever The Duckling had for Lunch or Fragrance de Peanut Spit Up. Sad but true.

Overheard from the living room...

2005-06-23T10:40:00.000-05:00

"That's gross!!!"

Knowing that if something was actually so gross that Papa Duck recognized it as being fowl and disgusting I knew my attention was needed.

I peeked out from the kitchen and there was The Duckling bent over. Sucking her toes.

Gross indeed.

But possibly not as gross as when she tries to suck on my toes while I'm feeding Peanut and I can do little to remove my toes from her mouth.

Poonami of a smaller more manageable magnitude hits!

2005-06-22T14:58:00.000-05:00

MOMMY & PEANUT SURVIVE!
FAR LESS DAMAGE THAN ANTICIPATED!

It was easy to sense that the Poonami was on the horizon as Monday night Peanut had some rather odiferous farts. Amazing how stinky one little adorable baby can be.

We were home pretty much all day on Tuesday enjoying the lack of air conditioning for the second straight week (I keep threatening bodily harm to our landlord, and with my luck he's gonna wind up dead somewhere...where will they look? that's right, at me...on the bright side, I'd get to spend some time in the air conditioned precinct until they sorted it all out...) , so you'd think the law of averages would apply and it would reach ground at home, right?

Of course not!

We went over to our neighbor's house for a few moments in a cool house and to watch her fold laundry because, let's admit it, it's always great fun to watch other people work.

Then it happened. I heard the grunting and knew the Poonami wasn't far off. This seasoned Poonami chaser was ready! I left Peanut in her car seat and we headed back home (we live 10 ft. from our neighbor...city dwelling and all). Instead of STUPIDLY trying to change her immediately, I lifted up her Onesie and let her lay on a TOWEL on the fabulous Pottery Barn chamois changing pad (seriously, the first time I felt how soft these things were I wanted roll around naked on them!!). No way was she going to get poo-poo all over the luxurious white pad.

I'm an expert at this now, remember?

The Poonami passed and I took the diaper off.

Peanut smiled at me.

I IMMEDIATELY put the towel over her little parts to avoid spraying the living room with highly pressurized baby crap.

I had won!!!! She didn't poo again, it was just a smile of gratitude and relief to her Mommy.

No Poonami photos for you guys this time.

All's well on the Northern Front.

Over and out.

Five days and holding

2005-06-21T11:20:00.000-05:00

It's been five days since the mega-pooping Jackson Pollock style happened.

That's just fair warning that were due for something today.

For those of you who have just joined us here at Texas Ducks, my daughter Peanut only poops every five days. And when she does, it's always a spectacle to be memorialized in print and photo.

God bless us all...let's hope it's just a simple Poonami.

Monday on Film

2005-06-20T15:48:00.001-05:00

Is there anybody out there?!?!?!

Oh, hi there! It's Monday and Mommy broke out her camera today. Today it's hotter than the peas when Mommy takes them out of the microwave and that's pretty hot. Our air conditionning is still not working...it's been almost two weeks. Actually, the new thingie is out there, but the geniuses who left it there didn't hook it up. Mommy's a bit upset about it, but that's OK, we're from Texas! If there's one thing we know, it's heat. It's 88 degrees in my room right now so instead of napping I'm singing "The Pootie Song" and typing to you.

Here I am outside enjoying the shade in our backyard. I could have gotten in our splashy pool to cool down, but I hate to mess up my hair.

Both of our grandmas bought us matching outfits. Today we're wearing the ones from Grandma Duck, aren't we cute? You can send us things if you want. I like Goldfish, books and Pootie.

Here I am working very hard to keep my toes clean. Spoons make great toe-ick-getters.

Last but not least, here I am strapping Peanut into her car seat. I'm not sure where she's going, but I'm kinda glad. Maybe she'll leave her Pootie behind and I can have it.

For Duckling

2005-06-19T09:49:00.000-05:00

Dearest Duckling,

There will come a day when you show interest in boys, when you are somewhere around 35 years old, and think about having “relations”. This letter was written to you while the memories of our recent road-trip together are still fresh in my mind. Think of this memoir, my dear daughter, as form of birth control or at the very least insight into what your life might be like should that the little rubber receptacle break.

As we all settled into the back-seat of the Mommy’s car we issued Daddy the “home Jeeves!” command. Nestled between the car-seats of you and Peanut I wondered how it was that I was having to enjoy the fabulousness of my new luxury vehicle in the least comfortable position out of the four occupants. I didn’t have long to ponder as you handed me “Giggle, Giggle, Cluck” for an unprecedented half a dozen readings in the first 15 minutes of our two-hour car ride.

When the humorous antics of duck and the other farm animals ran dry for you I offered you every toy made by the Chinese out of brightly colored plastic that had ever been mass produced. Methodically, each one of these was ungratefully launched to the floor of my car without so much as a moment of playtime. Finally the toy that provided us with twenty minutes of silent enjoyment was a white napkin with ham residue and grape stains on it.

Soon the napkin lost its novelty and it was at this point that you decided pulling my hair was the most fun you could think of. Calming explaining that I didn’t like that game you eventually released your death-grip on my rather expensive haircut.

Having exhausted all of the toy and book options in the car you began singing “The Pootie Song”, “pooooeeeee, pooooeeee, poooooeeee.” Since it is fact that Pooties only live in cribs of little girls I told you to suck on your fingers for the time being to which you responded by singing the second verse of “The Pootie Song”.

Being able to stand it no more I looked lovingly, but firmly, into your beautiful brown eyes and said, “Your mother is going to get drunk tonight. Are you proud of yourself? That’s what you’ve driven me to.”

Quietly you slipped your petite index finger into you mouth and stared at me with those sad baby eyes.

I’m sorry to say the return trip wasn’t much better. After foregoing an afternoon nap and making Mommy most proud by not only flirting with the hot young men at your uncle’s engagement party, but persuading them to push you around the yard for hours on end in your cousin’s stroller, it was time to go home. I took up my seat, again, in the least luxurious position in the car. As you were busy flashing random partygoers with your bellybutton, you couldn’t have been bothered to eat at the party, so we stopped at a gas station for food but all they had was string cheese. Three minutes later we added some coin to Ray Kroc’s pocket by purchasing a Four Piece Chicken Nugget Happy Meal with a “SharkBoy & LavaGirl” action figure.

As we finally made our way on to the toll way your precious little lips flattened out as you proceeded to grunt and push out a poopie. Once again we found ourselves on the side of road where Mommy witnessed a horrific scene as Daddy changed your crappy nappy on the leather center console of my beloved car. But you’re worth it honey.

Back on the road, it was bed-time. I tucked you in and handed you Cashew and Pootie.

Thinking with a full tummy and empty large intestine that you might be ready to drift off to Sleepytime Land to dream about sandboxes and a never-ending box of Goldfish to munch on, I rested my weary head on your car seat. Not a moment later did I feel something wet pressed to my nose. So generously were you sharing your sucked on Pootie with me.

This long trip culminated with Mommy resting her head between her legs singing along to “Delta Dawn” and “Jose, Cuervo, You Are a Friend of Mine” and you sweetly falling asleep twenty minutes before we arrived at our home.

With all my heart, I love you and hope this serves as insight to what your life could be like if you choose to do dirty things with boys.

Love,
Mommy

In hopes of achieving greatness, make me proud, Peanut

2005-06-16T19:12:00.000-05:00

Brenna Geek, Chairbaby
US Olympic Distance Pooing Team
c/o Olympic Committee
Olympic City, IA

Dear Miss Brenna:

I believe that I have what it takes to make the US Distance Pooing Team.

I have attached a few photos of my distance trials and think that you will find my aim and the pressure behind the poo to be quite sufficient. This particular trial was done on the changing table when my Mommy thought I was done. She had removed my diaper, used one wipe and had me perfectly positioned to shoot all the way across the room.

I hit two baskets, a basket liner, the diaper wipe warmer, my big sister’s shirt, the dresser, the changer, the wall (in three separate places) and smattered the carpeting somewhere in the vicinity of fifteen different spots. Exhibit #1 shows my excellence for spray.

Exhibit #2 shows the measurement of my performance as a total pooing distance of 102 inches which my Mommy tells me is roughly 8 ½ feet. I believe that this more than exceeds the six foot requirement for all team potentials.

Thank you for your time in reviewing my trials and I look forward to hearing from you regarding the next step toward my becoming and official US Distance Pooing Team member.

Warmest regards-
Peanut Duck

Exhibit #1: The shit hits pretty much everything but the fan.

Exhibit #2: Measuring for distance post-clean-up (I promise it's accurate, I used the final inch of soaking wet Resolved carpeting as the end point...yup, really...102 inches)

A little bit of lovin' poultry-style

2005-06-16T07:45:00.001-05:00

So I have no idea why this struck me as being so funny...maybe it's because my brain has gone soft from conversing only with an 18 month old and 2 month old all day long, but check out my chicken! Oh, veggies may find this offensive, but chickens need love too, my friends.

"C'mon! Gimme a hug! It's because I'm so pale and pasty, isn't it? Isn't it!?!??"

(for best results, read a la Barry White or maybe like Chef from South Park...it makes all the difference)
"How 'bout now, baby? I'm dark and buff, gimme some lovin'..."

My opinions have been confirmed as facts

2005-06-15T18:21:00.000-05:00

So as we were waiting for Mean Nurse (not really...she's actually fabulous, but I still wanted to kick her in the shins for making my Peanut cry) to come along with the vaccinations at Peanut's two month check-up today The Duckling and I bided our time by reading "Everyone Poops."

Fabulous reading my friends. Short on plot, but lots of pictures of poop.

My sincere wish is that by her four month check-up the office will have invested in "The Gas We Pass."

Told ya Meritt. Poop and farts are funny.

So there.

Oh, and someone is making BIG bucks off of it.

Not unlike a baby rabbit being swooped upon by a hawk

2005-06-15T12:13:00.000-05:00

Yesterday marked Day #2 at the sitter's house for The Duckling. I was lucky enough to have her enrolled in a MDO (Mothers' Day Out) back home. If you don't have these programs in your state I strongly suggest you move. They're fabulous.

We aren't so lucky as to have these programs here.

As you may recall there was a considerable amount of boo-hooing on the parts of The Duckling and her mother when she first started. As Murphy's Law would have it, by the time we moved she LOVED going to school and playing with the other kids.

Let me just say, we're going through an adjustment period. When we pulled up to the house yesterday there saw a screech from the back seat. This was before I even got out of the car to get her from her carseat. Tears a'streamin' down the face. When I tried to leave she climbed on me like a koala on a gum tree. Not a pretty sight.

Four hours later when I went to pick her up she was crying (I could hear her as soon as I entered the house...it's a split-level, so that was a good bit of lung power being used), sucking wildly on Pootie and holding Cashew in a choke-hold that looked like an illegal move even for the WWF. The good news in that there was apparently an intermission from the tears at drop-off and the tears at pick-up.

This my friends, is progress.

As to the title of the post...if you've ever heard it, you can pretty much understand the exact noises being made by my Duckling