Friday, March 04, 2005

And Now For Something Completely Different...

There are people in the world who feel sorry for every stray, sick or dying animal they come into contact with; they feel the need to take them in and nurse them to health. We, my friends, are the people who feel sorry for sick, neglected, unsellable homes. If it’s got problems, we want it. We want to take it in, love it, dump a ton of money into it making it our very own and then sell it to people who don’t appreciate the home for its “potential.”

A little background for those of you who don’t know us personally, we bought a fabulous unique fixer-upper in Austin back in September 2003. Yes, that would be two months before I was due with Grace. The plumbing and electricity were marginal at best, the doors closed, but the doorknobs didn’t latch, the painting and drywall work were amateur, and the windows allowed any amount of AC we put out to be sucked into the TX heat whilst letting in scorpions and large beetles the size of your thumb. With three months of hard work between Brandon, myself, my poor dad (who, with a halogen light and some insulation, almost set the whole house ablaze…to which Brandon, at the time, responded, “Would that really be a bad thing?) and a handyman named Greg (who frequently reminded us of “what a mess we had on our hands” but that it would be “real purty” when we were done) the house came together and we were able to move in. Albeit, there was a pedestal sink that lived in my fireplace for about a month, it was livable.

I’m not even going to discuss that fact that we had pretty much just completed all the renovations this year when we had to put it on the market. And I’m not going to discuss the potential buyers who frequently complain because there’s no landscaping. Let’s put it this way guys, at least the water is coming out of the faucet, not the handles and there are light fixtures where sad little wires used to dangle out of the ceiling throughout the house.

This brings me to our rental home. It appears that for all practical purposes the same guy who worked on our Austin house (prior to our purchasing of it) worked on this house. Beautiful home, lots of potential, just don’t look too closely at the details. The common theme that runs throughout this house is the fact that the three toilets, while new, are not the most motivated to get waste products from Point A to Point B. (NOTE: For those of you with a weak stomach, you may opt out now and go read someone else’s blog) One small chocolate baby and these suckers are on strike. They take a moment to make you think that everything is on the right track and then….shhhhhhhhhhhhhit….they kind of crap out (no pun intended).

So, the other day I called Brandon at work to let him know that Master Toilet was not performing and he’d need to use his manly skills and plunger experience when he got home that evening. He was thrilled to say the least.

That evening when he completed the task and got the log removed and the toilet working again he looked at me and said, “You know I’m getting kind of tired of unclogging that toilet.”

“Well, short of me squatting under a tree in the backyard, I’m not sure what you want me to do about it. All three of them have clogged at one time or another.”

“Just use a different one for awhile. I need a change of scenery.”

Simple request I think.