Tuesday, April 12, 2005

Wait, Wait, Weight

Each morning as I step on the scale for my morning dose of depression I’ve been pondering where all the weight I’ve gained has been distributed.

While I’m certain that some portion of this weight can be attributed to the seemingly phantom baby that I’m carrying, I’m equally as certain that it’s not all of the weight. At least it had better not be or I’m going to end up with a 30 plus pound newborn and I don’t even want to think about how he would make his entrance into the world.

As such, the only logical, scientific conclusion I’ve been able to come up with is that I have created the world’s largest placenta in which Peanut has taken up what appears to be a permanent residence. I suspect there’s a large screen TV in there as well as an entire library of The Wiggles and Baby Einstein DVDs. This still leaves a few pounds unaccounted for, so perhaps for his refreshment there is also a dorm-sized fridge stocked with milk.

If this isn’t the case, then I’m sure I have an overabundance of amniotic fluid, which is good since last time I think I was running low.