In hopes of achieving greatness, make me proud, Peanut
US Olympic Distance Pooing Team
c/o Olympic Committee
Olympic City, IA
Dear Miss Brenna:
I believe that I have what it takes to make the US Distance Pooing Team.
I have attached a few photos of my distance trials and think that you will find my aim and the pressure behind the poo to be quite sufficient. This particular trial was done on the changing table when my Mommy thought I was done. She had removed my diaper, used one wipe and had me perfectly positioned to shoot all the way across the room.
I hit two baskets, a basket liner, the diaper wipe warmer, my big sister’s shirt, the dresser, the changer, the wall (in three separate places) and smattered the carpeting somewhere in the vicinity of fifteen different spots. Exhibit #1 shows my excellence for spray.
Exhibit #2 shows the measurement of my performance as a total pooing distance of 102 inches which my Mommy tells me is roughly 8 ½ feet. I believe that this more than exceeds the six foot requirement for all team potentials.
Thank you for your time in reviewing my trials and I look forward to hearing from you regarding the next step toward my becoming and official US Distance Pooing Team member.
Exhibit #1: The shit hits pretty much everything but the fan.
Exhibit #2: Measuring for distance post-clean-up (I promise it's accurate, I used the final inch of soaking wet Resolved carpeting as the end point...yup, really...102 inches)